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14th December 2023
06:24pm GMT
Ashley Cain emotionally opened up about the reason he won't shave his beard.
The reality TV star and his ex-girlfriend, Safiyya Vorajee, tragically lost their daughter, Azaylia in 2021, after she was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer at just eight weeks old.
During the pandemic and while his baby girl was in hospital, the former footballer was unable to have his hair or beard cut.
This is something which Azaylia loved, and, in her memory, Ashley vows to never shave it because of his daughter's love for it.
"My beard was growing and Azaylia was growing, she used to hold onto it," he told a dinner table of celebrities for the emotional reality show, 'The Real Full Monty Christmas Special'.
"She used to pull me in with it, she used to roll her toes through it and it was our little connection and I just kind of thought, she's touched these very hairs on my face so I'm never going to cut them off."
The star appeared on the ITV show which sees celebrities open up in front of a live audience to raise money for cancer.
"And this beard is my strength and regardless of whether people like it or they don't, it's going to stay on my face and it's just a beautiful memory of the days that we used to laugh and we used to play."
"I think I'm quite fortunate that it suits me, because it ain't going anywhere."
Ashely then opened up about how he is dealing with the monumental loss of his child, as well as sharing the grief he experiences every day.
"I'm erm, you know, a fighter today. I'm f*cking angry. I'm angry, you know. Every single day that I wake up in the morning - I'm sad.
"Every single day that I wake up in the morning, I'm in pain. I go through mega, extreme amounts of trauma, you know. Cancer took something from me that's way more important than my own life and I miss that little girl," he emotionally shared.
Channelling his pain, the TV personality says it's his mission to 'everything he can do in life' to help other grieving parents who have experienced the same losses as he and his ex have.
The motivational speaker is set to become a dad again, recently sharing his news in an interview with The UK Sun.
Ashley revealed the big news and opened up about the moment he told his ex-partner and late daughter.
He went to his daughter’s grave to give her the news after feeling that he needed to tell her to feel positive about his new baby.
He candidly revealed: “After going to her resting place and speaking to her about it, I just had a feeling in my heart and in my soul that she was happy for me.
“She was happy that she had a little brother and it is now just someone else for her to watch over and protect in this world.”
Though he kept the identity of his baby’s mother a secret he did say that though they aren’t together he has known her since he was 18.
Speaking about finding out he’s going to have a baby boy, Ashley said: “In the back of my head I didn’t really know how to deal or cope with it if it was a little girl. It could have been fine but it could have been heartbreaking all over again and I wasn’t sure.”
He revealed that he sat down with his ex Safiyya to tell her the news out of “respect” for her and their remaining close friendship.
Ashley said, “It was painful for Safiyya but it was also painful for me as well to talk to Saffiya.
“Safiyya and I haven’t been together for a while now and it is inevitable that at some stage people are going to move on with their lives – that doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends and have an amazing relationship.
“I know Safiyya will always support me and I will always be there to support Safiyya. It wasn’t an easy conversation or filled with smiles but it was a conversation that had a lot of truth and respect.”
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