Musing: My friend is more concerned with her kids than our friendship, and so she should be
We need to stop guilty mums for putting their kids first.
Lately I've seen women their 20s and 30s on social media platforms like TikTok, shaming their friends with children for not making time for them.
It really shocked me that this is the attitude any women could have towards their friends, and to brag about it online like it's such a flex?
Personally, I think if you ditch your friend because her child is now her main priority, you were never really her friend.
I was one of the first of my friends to have a baby nine years ago, so while my child is going to sleepovers and summer camps, my friends are just entering into the newborn or potty training stages.
One of my closest friends has had a particularly hard time meeting up with me since having her child, as the baby has a medical condition and can often be poorly. She has a lot of anxiety when it comes to being away from him and that means that she rarely attends birthdays or nights out.
Do I miss her? Yes. Do I complain about how terrible of a friend she is being? No.
She may be my friend, but she is her child's mother and not only do I accept that I am not high on her priority list, I commend her for putting her child first.
Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and while I would love do head out with her, I know that probably won't be on the cards.
I'll still post her a gift. I'll still send her a text message and if she wants to, we'll video call. I'll still be there for her.
Motherhood can be so stressful and, sometimes, lonely. The last thing any new mum needs is to find she has lost all of her support network.
I know as a parent myself, how grateful I am for my friends who have always been there for me, even when I was the one cancelling plans because I couldn't find a babysitter.
My friend's child won't always be little. She won't always have to cancel, but I will always be her friend even when she does.
Real friendship goes beyond our own needs and although I would love a big girly catchup, if right now my friend needs to be there for her child, then that's absolutely what she should be do.
I'll be on stand by for coffee and catchups when she's ready.