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Parenting

11th Jun 2019

This is the reason why I’m finished having kids in my twenties

Melissa Carton

When people spot me out with my youngest the same question always comes up…’when are you having another one?’

The answer to that question is I’m not. I have two children and even though I’m still in my twenties I know that I am done.

I’ve had plenty of people including medical professionals contradict me on this point because sure I have loads of time to have another one. None of them really seemed to be concerned with the fact that even though yes I could probably have another child, I don’t want to.

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Out and about in Dublin today

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Don’t get me wrong I love being a parent, I just feel like two is the right amount of children for me and I don’t understand why that information is so hard for others to handle.

When I was in labour with my daughter I had a doctor tell me I shouldn’t have a second c-section because if I do I’ll never be able to give birth naturally. I didn’t want another section because the recovery on my first one was extremely rough but I pointed out that if I should need one the natural birth on a third pregnancy wouldn’t matter because I wasn’t having any more children.

The doctor then scoffed at me like I was talking nonsense and told me ‘well OK, then just in case you change your mind’.

Change your mind. The phrase many a woman has heard when it comes to becoming pregnant. Whether you’ve decided not to have children or if like myself you feel like you’re done, nothing is as frustrating as being told ‘you’ll change your mind’.

No, I really won’t.

On top of personal reasons, financially I can’t afford to have any more children.

At the moment both I and my husband are working and still, sometimes it can be a struggle to juggle all the costs that life and parenthood can throw at you.

Bringing another child into the equation would mean having a lot less to go around for my existing children and could probably push us over the edge from ‘doing ok’ to ‘financially strained’.

Aside from money concerns, there’s also the fear that something could go wrong.

After having a traumatic birthing experience with my son I was terrified of ever getting pregnant again. It took me a long time to contemplate having another child but I had always wanted two, so five years after having my son I had my daughter.

Still, it wasn’t easy and my pregnancy with her had a lot of complications and it got to the stage where I felt like I was never out of the hospital.

With two children depending on me, I don’t think I could chance having another risky pregnancy.

Really though, I just don’t feel like I need to have another child.

At the moment I have enough time to go around for both my children and neither of them ever feel a lack of attention. I also have enough time to still do things for myself.

When we become parents everything becomes about our children, but for the sake of our mental health, we all need a little break from time to time.

Right now with enough notice, I can organise a sitter for the two kids but I don’t think any of the people who look after them would be up for taking on three at a time.

I don’t know why my age is always brought up when this topic arises. Ok, yes I’m 28, I could have more children but just because I could doesn’t mean I should.

I could do a lot of things over the next few years, write a book, go skydiving, learn how to make the correct amount of pasta. If anyone wants to suggest that I do any of those things in the foreseeable future I will take them on board but I am definitely finished when it comes to becoming pregnant.

So no, no more babas for me. When it comes to having more children this mama has officially checked out.