I used to be a total morning person. In my pre-child life, that is.
I had everything planned for the day ahead. Always. Clothes laid out. They even matched and were stain free. I usually set the table too, so that everything was ready for breakfast, and I always had time to dry-brush, moisturize and blow-dry my hair.
Those were the (gloriously organized) days.
Then I had a baby. Then I had another one. And now my mornings, despite the best of intentions and a whole lot of trying to replicate the past, looks about as similar to my pre-motherhood mornings as Renee Zellweger's new face does her old one.
In fact, here are 10 thoughts I now have pretty much every single morning that will prove just how much motherhood really changes your life. And mental calculations. And ability to get your s**t together in the morning:
1. "How many more times can I hit snooze?"
Let this be told: I was NEVER a snooze person before. In fact; I judged people left, right and center who could not manage to get themselves out of bed on time.
Now? Now I have been up a couple of times during the night to attend to coughing fits or under-bed monsters, I have gone to bed too late in the first place, I feel like a bus just ran over me, blah-blah, I NEED that snooze button, OK?
2. "Do I have enough clean clothes to assemble an outfit?"
Working in glamorous magazine offices, picking out whatever I was wearing for the day was always a high for me. I always made sure clothes were steamed, shoe game on point and that my handbag had all the essentials in it. Now? There are days where I just pray no-one really paid attention to what I was wearing yesterday, so I can recycle the outfit for today as well. Proper slummy mummy stuff. I am not proud.
3 "Oh, no. I have to make breakfast!"
Pre-kids, making breakfast just for myself was just so easy breezy. Now? Now I am trying to stir bee pollen into porridge so no one (my kids) will know it's there, while simultaneously coming knots out of my hair (that I didn't have time to wash. Again.)
Which leads me nicely to thought #4:
4. How many days can you go without washing your hair before you start to smell?
Pre-babies: Weekly blow-dries in hairdresser's. Post-babies: "Holy crap, I am all out of dry shampoo! F**K!"
5. "Coffee. I NEED coffee"
6 Good. For Him.
(Directed at other half, who is still FAST asleep, after his wonderful night of no disturbance or midnight monster busting.) And by Good. For. Him. I mean (obvs!): "Seriously; you are in the for some major bad vibes thrown your way!")
7. "Where did I put that..."
Always. About most things. Keys. Wallet. Cat; you name it; I can loose it.
8. "Children have NO concept of time"
The more of a hurry I am in, the slower they will move. They are like little walking Murphy's Laws, my kids.
9. "God, I need to be more together!"
Right about now I usually get lost in a daydream about how organized I will become. Tomorrow.
10. "Wait! What day IS it today?"
Do we need umbrellas? Is today PE day? Do the bins go out? Did we pay the Sky bill? Was the homework all done for today? Jesus, go back to bed, everyone, it's Saturday!
