Ah, working mamas. It's just not easy. If ever the phrase 'You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't' applies, it's to this bunch of superheroes.
Because, GUILT. First of all. And second of all, TIME. Guilt is always by your side; time is not. When you have to get kids to school each day and get to work yourself, you become a multi-tasking, militant mumboss. Pulled every which way, you're trying to be the best mum, while being the best employee; quality, focused time on both these demanding jobs becomes your everyday demon. Sigh.
But, there are steps to handling both jobs, especially when your little ones start school. Now, doing homework becomes an issue, proper catch-up time is impossible in the evenings (when the witching-hour begins) and remembering to fill in school forms, and organise playdates between work meetings gives every day a whole new chaotic dimension.
1. Find a flexible mum to buddy with
Sometimes, it's so hard not being the one who collects them from school, or gets to chat to the other mums, but try and strike up a mutually beneficial relationship with another mum who might have more flexible working hours – she can take your children for playdates during the week, especially for those times when you are stuck, and you can return the favour at the weekends.
2. Make sure you're in the class Facebook or Whatsapp group
It's super-hard to get any information from your little school goers at the best of times, especially when you're home in the evening and they're banjaxed tired from their day. Make sure you're up to speed with what is going on in their class by being part and being active in the class Whatsapp group or Facebook group (if they have one set up) or contact the class rep to keep in the loop with anything you feel you might have missed.
3. Turn off your phone when you get home
I have been
so guilty of this
so many times, but when my six-year-old had to ask me to stop looking at my phone one evening, it stopped me in my tracks. I only get two hours with them each evening, sometimes less; what kind of message am I giving them checking emails AFTER I get home from being away from them all day? One of the hardest things to do as a working mum is to get home, wipe your day from your face and mind, and turn into a happy, clappy wonder woman, ready to make lunches, brush teeth, read stories, do homework, all with a cheery smile on your face. It's not easy, but now that I have made a big effort to put the emails away when I get home, it makes the evenings a more memorable time for everyone by being just being present for them.
4. Don't ask questions
Instead of asking them a million questions about their day, try and engage in conversation instead of grilling them. Instead of asking what they did that day, tell them what
you did all day, engage more and make the chat entertaining. Tell them about something funny that happened to you, or something that you found hard that day. Hopefully this might entice them to open up about their day without feeling pressured.
5. Stick to the routine
It's easy to let the nighttime routine slide, especially if you end up home later than expected. Suddenly, it's 8.30pm, and the kids are nowhere near ready for bed. Then, all hell breaks loose, and you tip into over-tired mode, and everything becomes a struggle. Set reminders or alarms on your phone, and stick to the PJs, teeth, story, snuggle routine.
6. Wind them down for bed
Warn them bedtime is coming in five minutes, three minutes, etc. This prepares them for the end of play to TV-time, so there's not as much backlash when you immediately announce it. Read a story in a dimly-lit room, get into bed and give them a snuggle or tell them a story so that they stop chattering, and begin to relax.
7. Remind them of all the things you did together that evening
This is a brilliant trick, thanks to
Office Mum – when you're tucking the kids in at night, remind them of the nice things you did with them that evening to reinforce the quality time you spent together. It may not be quantity, but it can be memorable and put them at ease that they got to spend some lovely time with you.
8. Come prepared!
Lay out school uniforms, make lunches, and make sure any admin for school is done the night before. It's really hard after they have gone to bed to have yet another job to do, but you will thank yourself the following morning when the morning goes smoothly, and everyone gets out the door on time.
9. After-school snacks
Prep as much as you can at the weekend for the week ahead: do you have snacks ready for play dates? Makes sure you have some squeezy bottles of juice and healthy after-school treats that won't ruin appetites.
10. Don't give yourself a hard time!
So somebody else might be doing their homework with them, so what! You can't be there for every part of their school-going lives, but you can focus on quality over quantity time with your kids. Make the weekends and the time you have with them before and/or after work count. You've got this mamas, you rock!
