After nine years of motherhood, I know that I have days where I pat myself on the back for being an AWESOME mum – and days where I simply feel that – at most – I have fed them and kept them alive.
Such is parenthood, I think. On days where I feel I aced motherhood, we have laughed and played and baked and everyone wore the clothes they were meant to wear and there were no major tantrums and there is currently no jam on the floor and nothing got broken.
On the other days, however, things aren't quite as Pinterest-y. Maybe nobody had their dinner after I painstakingly had chopped and mashed and pureed. Maybe I had a rough day in work, and my pacience was less than 100 percent. Maybe there were tantrums and fights over favorite toys and a melt-down or two. Maybe I shouted at them and then, straight away, felt like the worst mama ever.
And then I always end up asking myself: "Did you really need to shout?" or "Why are you so bothered about a clean kitchen?". In the grand scheme, I'd rather my kids remember a happy, fun, always-ready-to-play-with-them mama than one with an always immaculate kitchen but no time for My Little Pony Monopoly or Lego Friends.
Maybe being a parent is first of all just about being human. And secondly about, at the very least, being willing to admit that we aren't perfect, but that we'd like to strive to get better and do our best. I think so.
And seeing as I have recently vowed
not to worry about the house being messy until
after I tuck my babies into bed, I am anticipating my parenting skills going
way up. But just in case, here are ten more ways I am going to try to be an
even better mama - because there is
always room for a little improvement, no?
1. Let it go (just like Elsa herself!)
This can go for a lot of things, but for me, it has a lot to do with the state of the house. I think I need to just embrace the fact that kids do make a mess, and just worry about the clean-up at night. I try to remind myself that when they are all grown up, I am going to sit in my clean and tidy house and miss the days when toys littered the floor, and their laughter filled the rooms.
2. Take time to read
We do this most nights anyway, but I am going to try to get better at getting them in a one-to-one situation at some point during the afternoon or evening, and just read their favourite book with them. They will love that.
3. Give praise
I do tell my kids I love them every day, but I am going to try to get better at also telling them I am proud of them more often for all the little things and all the bigger things.
4. Count to 10
Children know how to push our buttons. A lot. But unless I let my buttons be pushed, they are getting nowhere. Also, I am hoping that me staying calm over getting angry will, in turn, help them do the same.
5. Stop makes threats
I am so guilty of the threat thing. "If you don't tidy up, there will be no Barbie movie later!". Or: "If you don't eat the broccoli, there will be no treat in your lunch box on Friday." The funny thing about threats, when used like this, tend not to yield the results we are looking for. Instead, I am going to try to explain consequences (wish me luck!) and see if it works better.
6. Be firm with rules
I believe that children need rules and that this makes them feel safe. They know there are boundaries that will reign them in if they are getting too close the edge, i.e. doing something they are not allowed to do. I have been a bit of a push-over lately when it comes to rules, and think it will actually be better for all of us if I get back on my moderately-strict straight and narrow.
7. Cuddle more
Leave the dishes till later, mamas. There are some seriously GREAT snuggles to be had now instead.
8. Picking my battles
This one is SO important, or you will wear yourself thin – and be one grumpy mama. You can't battle with a child, especially a toddler, over every instance where they want to get their own way. In some areas, let them do what they are howling about, save your fight for something more important, where you really need them to do as you say.
9 Pencil in me-time
Like with airline oxygen masks, mamas should also put their own mask on first, before helping others. Steal moments, an evening, a weekend with the girls once a year even, for yourself, and you will be a better mama for it.
10. Just laugh a lot
Seriously. Take a leaf out the kids' book, that is SO what I am planning to be doing more of. Have you ever seen a kid take anything too seriously? Nope, they are too busy having fun. And guess what? They will LOVE you for joining in!
How do YOU try to be a better parent? We'd love to hear your tips! Please send me an e-mail at Trine.Jensen@Herfamily.ie
(Feature image via Cupofjo.com)
