I’m not a morning person. Who the hell is? Maybe some people before kids come on the scene, but I have yet to meet a parent that says, “Fantastic, it’s really early in the morning, and I can’t wait to bounce out of bed.”
That’s most definitely not me. I love my kip, always did. The idea of lazy weekend mornings with brunch and reading the papers in bed are orgasmic in my eyes. A distant memory replaced by chaos most days.
Like most parents, I’m quite organised. Only because I have to be. But despite having mine and the kids clothes ready for the kids the night before, despite my husband laying out all the breakfast bits, (spoons included!) before bedtime, mornings are a scramble. Because kids, as much as we love them, they are unpredictable little feckers at times.
I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking these thoughts in the morning, am I?
1. I HATE that f*cking alarm ring. Why, Why me?
2. What and who is in my bed?
3. That’s it, climb ON my head to get out of the bed.
4. What day of the week is it? WHY can’t it be the weekend. What have I done to deserve this.
5. Is it a wash-my-hair day? Please don’t let it be so.
6. Coffee. NEED Coffee.
7. Please God, I know I only remember you when I need something, but I will go to mass if you let me shower alone today. Promise.
8. Can you make a little bit MORE noise. All at the same time. I didn’t quite catch that.
9. WHY, just WHY Lego must you hide on the floor, waiting for me when you know I am in bare footed? EVERY. TIME.
10. For the love of Christ, please eat the breakfast I have lovingly gone to the supermarket to buy with my hard-earned cash and lovingly prepared for you.
11. Seriously? Why can’t you wear the clothes I have carefully chosen for you? Your taste today does NOT resemble the Pinterest board I have curated of our perfectly-groomed life.
12. Please brush your teeth x 25 times. Each time gets louder.
13. Why are we ALWAYS late. Always.
14. I made it! I survived. I’m at work. Coffee, I think I love you.
15. Nine hours and counting until I can have a glass of wine.
