Disclaimer: I LOVE my children. Adore them. Could not for a second imagine life without them and am currently hassling my other half for baby #3.
That said, I also have moments (usually at the very end of a long day spent parenting) where my brain is positively melted from negotiating toy fights, wiping mashed potato of the wooden floors, changing nappies on a toddler who will not willingly let me, discussing outfit choices with a glitter-and-neon loving six-year-old and picking Lego and Playdough off every surface in the house.
Which is why, at approximately 50-60 minutes prior to bedtime, I find myself (always) having the following thoughts:
1. “One hour to go; you can do this!”
2. “OK; I’ll let them look at Netflix on the iPad, just for 10 minutes…”
3. “Oh my God! Stop fighting over the iPad!”
4. “I need wine.”
5. “44 minutes to go.”
6. “I’m gonna suggest a game of hide and seek – I’ll hide, they’ll never find me!”
7. “Ah, for f**k sake, they found me!”
8. “OK, I’ll give them a bath, that keeps them quiet.”
9. “Jesus Christ, the bathroom is FLOODED!”
10. “Do I really want another one?!”
11. Text other half: “Are you nearly home?!”
12. “32 minutes to go!”
13. “I’m gonna stick the wine in the fridge now so that it’s nice and cold for later…”
14. In the meantime: “Caffeine, come here to me!”
15. “Should I be drinking coffee at this time of night?!”
16. “Wonder will they stay in the bath until other half comes home…?”
17. Text other half again: “Seriously, WHERE ARE YOU?!”
18. “23 minutes to go…”
19 .”They look like their skin is dissolving, I better take them out of the bath.”
20. “Please, please just help me help you get your pajamas on…”
21. “Need. Sofatime. Now.”
22. “Let’s play a little, just us three (high five myself for good mothering).”
23. “NOOOOOO! Don’t empty the whole Lego box!”
24. “13 minutes to go…. You can do this, almost there now!”
25. “I’m so getting a divorce (actually, we are not married yet, so make that ‘I’m so not marrying him’ if he is not home within four seconds!”
26. “Oh; hello. Where were you?!”
27. “I have actually lost the will to live.”
28. “Imagine if McDonalds served wine at drive-through windows…”
29. “Why don’t kids get tired when they’re tired?! Freaks!”
30. “OH MY GOD, IT’S BEDTIME!! You did it!”
31. (After they fall asleep and I am half a glass of Pinot Grigio in): “Today wasn’t so bad…”
32. “Look how beautiful they are! I can’t wait to have #3!”
How do YOU cope with that last hour before bedtime, mamas? Join in the conversation with us on Twitter at @Herfamilydotie
