Too much to do, and not enough time to do it? 5 Amazonian mothers tell us how they get stuff done.
1. Focus
Managing your time effectively takes forward planning and smart thinking. That doesn’t always mean multi-tasking: according to the experts true productivity is about focus. So find out what your chief distractions are and eliminate them. Make a list of all your time-wasting activities and move them onto leisure time – that hour before bed when you need to unwind. Then think about what you need to achieve and when you might achieve it. Sally, 32, feeds her family for a week and keeps her freezer stocked – all during her son’s 40-minute morning nap. “My son can amuse himself for ten minutes. I use that time to peel and chop all my veg, which I keep in freezer bags in the fridge,” says Sally. “Then when he’s down, I throw it into three separate pots on the hob – I make a tomato sauce for pasta and pizza, a soup, and a meat stew. If he wakes up early I can still deal with him and finish the cooking – all I have to do is give the pots an odd stir.” Apply the same ruthlessness of execution to work. Are you online at peak productivity hours? Think about when you are at your sharpest and make ‘focus time’ then, putting off the more mundane tasks such as admin or the checking of email for those mid-morning and late afternoon dips.
2. Delegate
Are you overwhelmed by the amount you have to do because you would rather not nag your husband to do his share or because you don’t trust a junior to do it? Holding the reins too tight will leave you feeling exhausted and resentful. Your colleagues and family won’t like it either; no one enjoys the company of a martyr. Whoever you delegate to might not get it right first or second time round, but by being allowed to perform the task they are already closer to getting there, and further away from managing the guilt caused by your control issues. Pitching together creates team spirit, inspires confidence, neutralises resentment and guilt and makes for a happier home. “Molly, 35, a stay at home mother of two, thought she was indispensable until she was taken into hospital for emergency back surgery earlier this year. “I did not think my husband or my sons would be able to cope without me,” she admits. “But if anything, things improved! When I got home, everyone was sleeping through the night and my son had got a gold star in school. It made me realize that I had been too controlling – always hovering over my husband telling him how to do it rather than letting him get on with it. Since then, there’s so much more trust, and everyone is having a better time.” So outsource where possible: hire a cleaner, do your food shopping online, trade play-dates with other mothers, share school runs and tag team with your husband. What to do with the free time? Strategic renewal. In other words, rest.
3. Do well enough
Do you really need to stay up till 2am making a cake for your daughter’s school fair? Do you really need to meet that client in person or could you achieve just as much over the phone? Do you really need to have a speculative meeting about new business when you don’t have a clear-cut budget or a time scale? In other words, are you creating work for yourself? Put a time limit on meetings, print out an agenda list to keep things sharp and focused, minimise travel, work more by phone, give yourself time limits to make decisions, and for one hour a week, look at how you can make you life simpler. Knowing where to cut corners and where not to cut corners is an essential life skill. You don’t need to do the job perfectly; you just need to do it ‘well enough.’ The same goes for your mothering. A frazzled, exhausted mother who thinks she needs to produce home baked goods, isn’t going to be as present for her child as the one who nipped into the bakery, en route to the playground. For Karen, 35, motherhood has been an exercise in lowering the bar. “I was driving myself mad – staying up late to iron jumpers that were only going to be covered in porridge and sweet potato, cooking all my son’s meals from scratch then being furious with him when he did not eat them. It was fast route to resentment. Now I live in crumpled clothes and pack pre-made baby food for the park. Everyone’s happier.”
4. Declutter your life
Think about what drains you of energy. It might be a critical family member, a complaining friend, or an irrational client. Learn how to manage them: don’t be too available, set clear boundaries, and say no when you have to. Freya, 28, was amazed by how much more energy she had when she began to spend less time with her mother-in-law. “When I was on maternity leave I spent a lot of time with my husband’s mum, and I really appreciated her support and advice, but it was only when I went back to work that I realised how happier I was when I saw her less regularly. She was – is – very critical of modern parenting and it really unnerved me as a new mother. I found myself second-guessing my instincts all the time. Now my husband takes my daughter to her, and I stay at home and batch cook. It’s liberating.”
5. System build
It’s the little things – that filing system, that full freezer, that well stocked nappy changing bag – that make the day-to-day running of your life easier. According to the experts, we should set aside a small portion of time to setting up these systems each week. Carmel, 35, spends Saturday mornings in bed, while her husband takes the children to the park, organising the week ahead. “I check my diary for the week ahead, I menu plan for the fridge and the freezer and write a shopping list, I check clothes supplies, stocks of nappies, wipes and cotton wool, I repack the nappy changing bag, and I catch up on email and text. It takes an hour, but I would be a disorganised mess if I didn’t do it.”
Nikki Walsh is a writer and editor with a passion for what makes us tick. She lives in Dublin with her husband, her son and a heap of books, mostly on psychology.
