One of my very favourite quotes on raising children is by Astrid Lindgren, the Swedish children’s book author who wrote the stories about Pippi Longstocking (and many other children’s books too).
Lindgren herself always claimed that she wrote for the child she had been, and the child she remained inside. As an author she had a unique ability to remember how children think and feel and to convey that insight to readers of all ages and backgrounds.
She was also a fierce beliver in the importance of childhood, a great childhood – and how our childhood really shape the person we become as adults.
One of her many quotes on the matter, and one I like to think in many ways shape the way I look at parenting, is this: “Give children love, love and more love. And then common sense will come by itself.”
What she was saying, of course, is that first and foremost, children need to feel loved. They need to know that no matter what, someone loves them and believes in them and is there to protect them, and that this in itself is so grounding and beautiful, that it will help them become the best version of who they are meant to be. If we love them enough, then everything else will fall into place.
This is my north star, I think, when it comes to how I parent. Above anything, I want my children to feel so completely loved and safe and protected that they feel like they can be themselves, and feel like no matter what, I they can come to me and I, while I might be angry with them at times, will always love them and be on their side.
Love trumps, I think we all agree on that one. But there are some other pretty important things we can do as parents to build the foundation for happy, kind and well-adjusted kids. Which is the Holy Grail, isn’t it? Raising children who are helpful, kind, resilient, responsible and amazing – and guys, it all starts with us, you know.
The good thing is – it actually isn’t hard – we are talking taking away all the noise and advice and opinions and waffle, and getting back to basics, to some pretty simple habits and routines that, to a large extent, will help raise great children.
1. Boundaries
This goes for young children, of course, but also so much so as your child approaches their tween and teen years. Boundaries help your child, not only feel grounded, but also safe. Remember: They will fight you – and they are meant to, this is how children learn about the world, after all. It is our job as parents to stay strong and keep those boundaries in place for them.
2. Routines.
Routines is another habit that help children feel safe and that their world is predictable and non-chaotic. Children (and adults too) feel safe knowing how their day is structured, what is happening next, it gives a sense of control and familiarity.
3. Early bedtimes
Sleep is the building block for healthy brain development, and is especially important for growing brains. Sleep helps us process the days events and learn from it, helping kids get the sleep they need is one of the most basic and important things you can do for their behavior, health and well-being.
4. Play
Unlike adults, children won’t come to you and say: “I missed you today,” or “I had a bad day” or “let’s talk, mama.” Not young children, anyway. They, for most part, will ask you to play with them.
US psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen, stresses that, as parents, we must play with our children, because play is the work of the child and to connect with our kids, we must play with them.
Play, says Cohen, is children’s way of exploring the world, communicating deep feelings, getting close to those they care about, working through stressful situations, and simply blowing off steam. That’s why “playful parenting” is so important and so successful in building strong, close bonds between parents and children.
5. Reading books
The benefits of reading to our kids are many, both when they are so young they have no way of understanding what you are reading, and also way past they are actually old enough to read to themselves. And often and anytime in between.
Reading together is many things, it is spending time together, it is being quiet together, relaxing, letting go of the stresses of our respective days, and it is learning – words, stories, ideas, concepts, everything.
Study after study shows that early reading with children helps them learn to speak, interact, bond with parents and read early themselves, and reading with kids who already know how to read helps them feel close to caretakers, understand the world around them and be empathetic citizens of the world.”
What habits do YOU think are most important when raising children, mamas? Let us know in the comments or tweet us at @Herfamilydotie
