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07th Feb 2019

5 tell-tale signs you are smack bang in the middle of a TOTAL toddler takeover

Amanda Cassidy

My daughter is two. 

It is an adorable age, filled with chubby wrists, a permanently surprised face, cute little sounds, AND she can blow kisses.  I feel no hesitation in saying that she is as cute as Princess Charlotte.

But in between the sweetness, mischief has surfaced.  I now understand how they can destroy an entire house with one cracker.

There is nothing in the books to help me now.

Here’s how you know you have a toddler-teen taking over your house that all parents can relate to.

1.The ‘Throwing The Porridge Across the Room’ Phase 

It is the flourish of pride afterwards that astonishes me the most. I’m sure if my daughter could speak she would shout ‘TA-DAH!” as she does it.  You would think after a few instances we would be on our guard for it. But with two other children to feed and struggle into uniforms, it is impossible to be constantly ready to catch the flying bowl.

She is a stealth thrower too. She starts off quietly eating and I glance over thinking, this morning things will be different. I start making the lunches and BOOM, we are covered in porridge. Even the three bears never had it this bad.

2. The ‘Walking Around With Her Skirt Over Her Head’ Phase

Some things only babies can get away with.  This also goes on my list of Things That Babies Do, That Adults Would Get Arrested For. Imagine walking through the meat section of Dunnes holding your dress up over your head. There is no shame whatsoever when she does this. I just hope this phase ends before she is a teenager.

3. The ‘Attempts To Fling Herself Under Cars’ Phase

At 24 months old, my daughter has more cute than smarts.  The world is a giant playground to her, and moving cars in car parks seem like the MOST fun. While I stop short of putting my daughter on a lead, I do clutch her hand like a crazy person the second she is out of the car.

4. The ‘Raking Your Eyes Out’ Phase

My little girl is lovely and kind. But get into her space and beware, this cat’s got claws!

If you get up in her grill, her first instinct is to maul your face, followed by a swift slap across the head or hair pull.  It says NOTHING in the books about this. This is one I am really hoping is JUST A PHASE or as my sister says; ‘This too, shall pass”.

5. The ‘Nobody But Mama Is Good Enough’ Phase

This is my favourite.

My kisses heal sore knees the fastest, my hugs seem to be the safest, and my chest is the warmest pillow. At least in the eyes of my little one. ‘Mama do’ is one of my favourite sentences and I usually shrug smugly at my dejected husband when he tries, unsuccessfully, to placate her. Except when the porridge needs to be cleaned up. Then, always…Dada do.

What is your favourite phase that the books don’t tell you? Let us know!

(Feature image via