It is with a heavy heart that I write these words. This piece was supposed to be about a happy family visit to Disneyland Paris. Instead it's currently closed due to the horror of Friday night's events.
We all know it's a bad world out there, with much evil, but it's not something you ever expect to find on your doorstep. Being in Paris right now, a city reeling from a terrorist attack that killed 129 and injured hundreds more, the truth really hits home: bad things can happen on anyone's doorstep.
The victims and their families are our neighbours; our fellow Parisians. I can't begin to imagine what they are going through, it must be unbearable. So many young lives gone – just like that – in such shocking circumstances.
As a parent, I have found it difficult explaining this tragedy to my children. I don't have all the answers. Explaining what suicide bombing is to my seven-year-old is not something I ever envisioned doing.
In January, after the monstrous Charlie Hebdo attacks, there was some sort of explanation that a child could at least understand. This time, it's that bit harder to explain to little people why members of the public were randomly attacked in restaurants, theatres and stadiums while they were going about their daily lives.
The French schools received directives over the weekend on how to discuss the ‘attentats’ (attack) in school. I've only heard this information second-hand from the kids, but they seem to have understood why they had to do a minute’s silence yesterday in the yard with the whole school.
We live 10kms from the city centre. I explained to the children that the attacks took place in the 10th and 11th Arrondissements. I didn't realise our three-year-old was paying attention until he whispered to me that he didn't want Pierre to die. Pierre is a school friend who moved into the 11th Arrondissement last year. We underestimate what children pick up on.
It's hard to know what to do in the aftermath of such a terrible event. On Sunday, we went to the ‘Centre Culturel Irlandais’ for mass in the Irish chapel. It was packed and lovely to see such a great sense of solidarity among the Irish. But it was emotional and sombre at the same time.
The choir sang their hearts out and I noticed how well-behaved the kids were; so still, I couldn't believe it – they sensed something was different. It was strange to see RTE and BBC cameras there. It hit home how empathetic the Irish are as a nation and how strong the ties are between Ireland and France.
Paris is the most amazing city to live in and we have had a fantastic life experience living here, but the sense of unrest and fear since Friday is terrifying. We're staying close, a visit into the city or to any place where there could be a risk is just not on the agenda right now.
Life is precious. Let's hope it stays like that.
Jessica O'Gara is a mother of five, wife of retired rugby player Ronan and a primary school teacher. She lives in Paris in a suburb outside the city centre.
