Our guest blogger Ani Sarkisian has us all roaring laughing with this brilliant poem on co-sleeping. You know that song ‘There was an old lady who swallowed a fly’ (one of my dad’s favourites by the way) – read along with that tune in your head!
Author’s Note: the following poem is dedicated to all us parents who sing kids’ songs all day, eventually making up our own lyrics. Extra credit if you do it without realizing it, in public. By January, I’ll have co-slept with my son for 2 years, and I’ve absolutely loved it, I’d recommend it to anyone, but there are some nights…oh, there are some nights… With a loving nod to I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly, by Rose Bonne.
‘Co-sleeping is lovely, co-sleeping is fine’
Co-sleeping is lovely, co-sleeping is fine,
If you don’t mind a knee in the spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely when baby grows teeth,
He’ll wiggle and sheets will be bunched up beneath,
He’ll turn over and jam his small knee in your spine,
And if you don’t mind a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely when babe makes a peep,
He’ll giggle and chirp and he’ll murmur and cheep,
He’ll tell you that he is growing teeth,
And he’ll turn and he’ll stick his small knee in your spine,
And if you don’t mind a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely when his diaper leaks,
You change all the sheets or the bed starts to reek*
Sometimes when he leaks he’ll make a peep,
And he’ll be all upset because he’s growing teeth,
He’ll roll over and jam his small knee in your spine,
And if you don’t mind, a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely when baby is sick,
You’ll know something’s wrong when your hair is all slick,
But you’re changing sheets anyway (his diaper leaked),
And he’ll grimly remind you that he’s growing teeth,
When he rolls and he shoves his small knee in your spine,
And if you don’t mind a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely when Dad has a beard,
Cuz isn’t it weird when dad has a beard?
And baby wakes up and he pulls the beard,
And then he spits up and things get weird,
Because then you notice the sheets are all wet,
And he’s screaming (it’s all due to teething, you bet),
When he’s clean he will roll and he’ll batter your spine,
And if you don’t mind a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
Co-sleeping is lovely because you can nurse,
And he’ll snuggle and coo and your heart just might burst,
But then he’ll roll over and grab daddy’s beard,
Cuz he’s gonna spit up again, just as you feared,
And you try to roll over and go back to sleep,
But you can’t cuz you realize his diaper has leaked,
And when he is changed and he’s finally calm,
And you never knew nighttime could last this long,
He’ll roll over and stick his small knee in your spine,
And if you don’t mind a knee in your spine,
Co-sleeping’s fine.
*(or maybe you just throw a towel over the spot, f*** it)
Ani is a writer currently based in Dublin. Find her on Twitter and Instagram @AniMSarkisian, or at TheSaltyCookie.org.
