Brought to you by Aldi.
Women are famously good at multi-tasking, but mothers develop actual superpowers.
You mightn’t wear a latex catsuit with a big ‘M’ on the front but the trial and error of early motherhood have honed your skills to optimal efficiency and you are amazing.
1. You’re way past doing things with one hand; you’ve actually become ambidextrous and can use left and right for entirely separate tasks. Now if only you could remember where you put things.
2. You can change a nappy in 10 seconds flat and resist the urge to throw your arms in the air like you’ve hogtied a rodeo steer.
3. You have developed the same kind of night vision technology used by the army – on your own actual eyeballs. You can spot toddlers sliding out of bed; pour Calpol on a tiny spoon and locate lost dodies, all in a pitch black room. It doesn’t seem to work on bits of sharp Lego on the floor, but you’ve mastered the silent scream.
4. You get more laundry washed; dried; ironed; folded and put away in an afternoon than the entire housekeeping staff of a hotel.
5. Your reflexes are cat-like, allowing you to snatch a full beaker of juice from mid-air whilst intercepting your child’s kamikaze run into the side of the door. You’re so fast your movements cannot be seen by the naked eye.
There’s real science involved here; you’ve developed new neural pathways in your brain that make you react, respond, anticipate and perform faster and better.
You could probably leap tall buildings in a single bound, but it’s easier to wheel the buggy into a lift.
