By now, you're probably familiar with me as your Sleep Expert here at HerFamily.ie. But this piece is about me. All me.
Let me start off by saying that in general I am a pretty easy going person, but sometimes I am struck by something that really gets me thinking.
Like last week, for example, when actress Kim Cattrall, best known for her role in
Sex and the City, was asked about not having children. It was put to her during an interview on BBC Radio 4 in which they were talking about the stigma (yes, it’s there alright) attached to being without kids.
She called it offensive, and, after mulling it over, I agree. It's as though she is less of a person than a woman who has kids. She says it’s the 'less' in 'childless' that bugs her the most. Which again, I absolutely agree with. It’s like women of a certain age (ahem) are lacking something, and are seen by some as almost pathetic. As though we should be pitied and don’t live a full life.
Have you ever known a man to be labelled as 'child free or childless'? I'm not sure I have. In fact, there are times when he might even be described as lucky.
I see it at work sometimes. A flash of, "Oh, she doesn't have kids. How could she possibly get it?" When, in fact, I get it really well. I know what it's like to love a small person so much it kinda hurts. I'm utterly capable of that, and often it's all you need to be able to do – love. I don't have to own them to feel it.
It's with peers I see it the most. And for some reason, it feels a little more judgmental. What's that all about? I'm no less of a friend without children; no less of a daughter/sister/cousin; no less valid as a person, just making my way in this world and hoping at some point to leave a mark. I think.
Perhaps that's what Cattrall meant – that part of her validity gets taken away with the phrase 'childLESS'.
As for me, I'm 42 now. I don’t think I will have kids. And you know what? It’s ok.
It didn't start off by choice, and I know some will say I left it too late, but I just don’t think it was on the cards. Does it bother me? Not one bit. There was a time when I definitely wanted to have children but believe me, it doesn’t seem so urgent anymore. When I thought of having kids, I think I wanted them within a certain set of circumstances.
Great plans and all that.
I can parent (it’s a verb now) like the best of you. I don’t think any family who has left their little ones in my care would say I haven’t 'parented' their little ones as though they were my own. Parenting to me means the following: to love, to nurture, to give opportunities to develop and grow as people, to cherish, to hug, to fix cut knees, to help problem solve, to teach, to empower and so much more. I do this every day. How many parent-less children are on this planet? Why don't we use our energies to engage with them in a loving way rather than being critical of each other?
I am maternal – I 'mother' (yes, another new verb) all the time. I suspect I mother a little every day. I encourage my nieces, I hug them and I scold. They get on my nerves and I get on theirs. That’s mum stuff right there. It’s also part of my role with them as their auntie. (You can read all about our relationship
here.)
BUT, I don’t have children of my very own. And it’s ok. Just don’t label me.
I am happy with my lot. I love my nieces and each and every child I care for. They make my heart burst. They drive me mental. That’s the same as a parent, right?
Childless? Yes, but only in a physical sense.
Childfree? Never!
Niamh O’Reilly is a sleep coach. She's also a baby and childcare guru, a 'parent nanny' and the answer to many a weary parent's woes. When it comes to baby and child issues, Niamh is your woman. Always on hand to offer a no-nonsense solution, in an accessible way. A regular in the Irish media, (most recently on TV3’s Late Lunch Show as a 'parent nanny') over the next while at HerFamily.ie, Niamh will share some of her experiences, helping you attain that ‘holy grail’ – nights of uninterrupted sleep for all of the family.
Niamh's book, No Fuss Baby & Toddler Sleep, is now available to buy from all good book stores or online from Amazon.co.uk. 
