Watching children play can be one of life’s greatest pleasures – and puzzles. Next time you’re looking at children chatting excitedly into a ‘banana phone’ or playing ‘battling Barbies’, remember that, according to the experts, they’re developing their personalities, social skills and getting to grips with the world around them. Accredited play therapist, Linsey McNelis shares some of her observations and advice on the wonderful world of children’s play.
1. Play for problem solving
“Through play, children develop their problem-solving, empathy and social skills,” says Linsey. “Play helps children practice skills needed for the real world. Play can stimulate creativity and also relieve stress and anxiety.
“Children act out what’s going on around them and this is why play can help children to work through any emotional difficulties they are having or process any traumatic events they have experienced.”
2. Time and space for unstructured play
“Unfortunately in our society today children have a lot less time for child-led, unstructured play, where the outcome of what they are doing is not as important as what they are doing. More time is spent in scheduled activities and so children are not having the opportunity to learn skills in a natural way, through their play.”
3. Aggressive play is usually nothing to worry about
“Aggressive play can be a concern for parents,” Linsey notes, “but it shouldn’t worry them. It’s usually normal and very natural. Parents often notice that even if they don’t allow their child to have a toy gun, the child will find something else and use it as a gun when they’re playing. Aggressive play can help children to learn ways of expressing anger and aggression appropriately and should be permitted, with limits set where necessary, especially if the child is not safe.”
4. It’s no longer a case of ‘toys for boys’
Linsey doesn’t believe children should be limited to gender specific toys. She believes a free approach is best.
“If a boy is playing with a doll, he could be displaying a nurturing, caring side and perhaps he could be practicing a father role. I disagree with gender specific toys and gender specific colour-coding like blues and pinks. Some toy shops have changed in that regard and they’re not creating separate sections for girls and boys.”
5. Keeping active 3 – 5 year-olds busy
When you need to keep the little ones occupied, Linsey recommends a little advance preparation.
“Arts and crafts activities can work well in this situation,” says Linsey. “For example, it only takes around three minutes to make play dough. A parent could quickly make it with the child and the child could then play with it while the parent is making the dinner, or whatever they need to do. A simple recipe for playdough is two cups of plain flour, a cup of salt, one tablespoon of oil and one cup of water with a few drops of food colouring added, if desired.
“Children can also be encouraged to set up games such as a teddy bears’ picnic, dolls houses, teddy hospital (giving them a few pieces from first aid kit). Another idea would be to get the child setting up a fort by putting a blanket over a couple of chairs and let the child do the rest.”
6. The great outdoors
Group games in the great outdoors work well for siblings, play dates and parties.
“Some suggestions for outdoor play are fort building, potion or perfume making from leaves and flowers, or fairy house making.
“Group games such as sardines - similar to hide and seek, except one person hides and everyone else seeks, when you find the person you hide with them until everyone is hiding together.
“Children will come up with their own alternatives to games and add and subtract rules when they play together and it will build social skills and cooperation.”
7. The great indoors
When it’s raining outside, or the words ‘are we there yet?’ are ringing in your ears, Linsey’s recommendations for indoor play are a godsend.
“Some fun indoor games that can also be played on journeys include story games - where each person has to come up with a line in the story, drawing games - one person draws a head, folds it over so other can’t see, next person draws a body and folds it, last draws legs, then opens page out to see the funny person they have drawn together, and listening games like Chinese whispers-each person whispering to next - seeing if same thing is said at the end."
8. Just add music
Linsey recommends: “Musical games such as musical statues or a nice alternative is cooperative musical hoops where, when the music stops, everyone must squeeze into a hula-hoop or circle of wool on floor (starting with a few hoops and ending with one).”
9. Bonding through play
According to Linsey, play between a parent and child is “an opportunity for the parent to enter into the child’s world”.
“Around 20 minutes of one-to-one play per day can really help to build relationships between parent and child. The advice here is that the parent should not try to teach, advise or question the child during that time. There shouldn’t be any moral lessons. It is best when there’s a sense that anything goes and mistakes are okay. When a child feels completely accepted it can do wonders for their self-esteem and confidence. It’s good to have a variety of toys and arts and crafts materials available and to let the child take the lead.”
10. Avoid labels, promote creativity
“Parents should avoid labelling toys,” Linsey advises. “Anything can be anything when a child is playing. For example, I saw a situation where a child who had never seen a toy soldier picked one up and said it was a man on a surfboard with a telescope. When not corrected, she then proceeded to use the soldiers to surf around the doll’s house.”
Linsey McNelis, BA Hons, HDip Psych, PG Dip, is an accredited play therapist. She runs Play Therapy Galway, offering non-directive Play Therapy, i.e. child-led therapy for 3-18 year-old; as well as Baby Bonding, Parent Child Attachment Play (PCAP) and Filial Play - relationship building programs for parents based on play. Workshops are also offered for parents and teachers.
