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Parenting

10th Nov 2016

Dave Moore’s ULTIMATE List of Super Useful Crap for Parents

Dave Moore

There are some things I’ve genuinely found useful since becoming a Dad. I would like to point out that I’m not sponsored by any of the people who manufacture these products.

I am, however, open to the idea so if, I dunno, Marshall Amps or Lamborghini want a piece of this hot HerFamily.ie action, let me know. We can work something out.

Anyway, on to the yokes.

A curvy cushion.

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These things probably have a name. “Curved Nursing Pregnancy Breastfeeding Support Pillow” or something. I call it the “curvy cushion” in our house and even three-year-old Sam can go get it for me when I need it. And I need it a lot. It’s what allows me to feed Nina and Anna together. Oh, and it gives me a free hand to take pics like these…

TwinsFeeding
It’s a support for their heads and backs, just like your arm would be, and the curve stops them rolling off the sofa. It was also extremely useful during the pregnancies (so I’m told) for supporting the bump at night in bed, when it hit epic proportions.
There are hundreds of variations available online and in stores. I’m not sure which ones we have but they’re all pretty good. I mean, it’s effectively a pillow.

2. Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine

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This machine has saved our lives on many occasions since the twins were born in December. It’s such a simple idea. You pop tap water in the container on the side and it filters it. Once you rotate the dial to the amount of ounces you want, you hit the giant button and an amount of super-hot water comes out into your bottle, the exact amount (based on your ounce selection) that will be countered by the amount of room-temperature water that follows next. You get a full bottle of however much you need at the EXACT temperature your baby needs. No running the cold tap over the bottle, resting it in a bowl of ice water or microwaving it to heat it up. It’s right. Every time. And, in our case, with twins, twice every time. I just wish we’d had it for the other two.
The only drawback is that the girls recognise the beeping sounds it makes between cycles. So, as the first of four cycles of beeps happens, the screaming begins and intensifies until, finally, the feeding commences.

Oh, look! It’s the one-handed feed again but the stretch is bigger because so are the girls.

TwinsFeeding2

3. The Multimac Car Seat

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Let me paint you a picture. We have two kids. The inevitable conversation arises: “time for number three?” We talk it out. We’re both sure we want another and my only niggling doubt is the car. THE CAR?!? Yep. I know. But hang on. Hear me out.
Two kids means you can drive pretty much anything. Sure, the family needs something that can fit the existing arrangement and bikes and scooters and football gear and everything else but the other car, Daddy’s car, only needs two back seats. So, Sports Coupés are in! Yes! I can be like my moustachioed hero!

Only Supercars and Smart Cars are out, really. Three kids presents an issue, which is that each car must be able to fit all three kids AND the detritus that they generate. A problem. A problem not easily solved. And made more difficult when we found out we weren’t having three but FOUR.

The rear bench in most normal cars can house two baby seats but not three. Bigger saloons MPVs or SUVs may manage it but they aren’t cheap. It seems the only option for a four-child family is a seven-seater, right? Well, no. You see, if you have your twins last, like we did, a seven-seater won’t really work. Once you pop up the back row of seats to house your full complement of offspring, you have no boot. Well, certainly not a sufficient space to house the double buggy you will need. Even the svelte UPPAbaby Vista we have wouldn’t go into most seven-seaters’ boots.

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Then I remembered that my best friend Dan managed, in what seems like a rather large coincidence, to have his kids in exactly the same pattern as us: one, two, four! I called him and asked him what they did – I remembered there being some genius device that I paid no attention to, as I only had one kid at the time. He reminded me about the Multimac, a car-seat that goes into your car and houses your entire numerous progeny across the existing rear bench. This sounded like the ideal solution and, for us, it was.

MultiMac

Now, it’s not cheap. We paid nearly €3,000 for one that fits two infants and two growing lads and will, when they need it, have all four front-facing and beating the bejaysus out of each other or whatever they get up to back there.

So, while it was expensive, it did allow us to keep the car we already had and that was a HELL of a lot cheaper than selling it and buying a seven-seater or two!

Multimac are a UK company but we got ours through a Hyundai dealership in Dublin, who had it shipped to Motability Ireland, in Ashbourne, who need to fit it for you. This is not a DIY job. They generate an engineer’s report and send that to your insurance company because, if you need the four seats, you’ve changed the occupancy of your car from five to six. More info here.

Of course, there is a fourth item that would make all this much easier to cope with:

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Too late for me!

I am David Zachary John Moore. I am married to Tracy (who used to be Velcro Girl on 2Phat). We have four kids: Andrew is 5, Samuel is nearly 3, Nina and Anna are our twin babies. We have a dog called Lorna, a lurcher we rescued in 2005. She can leap a nine-foot wall in one go. I am tired.