Expert believes children shouldn’t always be expected to share

For generations, parents have encouraged their children to share, reinforcing the idea that "sharing is caring"

Parenting consultant Kirsty Ketley takes a different approach, teaching her children that they have the right to say no when it comes to sharing. 

Speaking on Newstalk Breakfast, Ketley explained that her goal isn't to raise selfish children but to help them establish boundaries that will benefit them later in life.  

"It's not that I want to raise my children to be selfish or unkind," she said. 

"But it helps them understand consent and that sometimes it's okay to put your own needs first. I think that’s an important lesson to learn in life."  

That said, Ketley said that there are times when sharing is appropriate, particularly on playdates.

"When children are young and playing together, sharing is part of that experience," she noted. "If a friend comes over for a playdate, for example, they should be allowed to play with the toys."  

However, she believes exceptions should be made and "if there’s something really special that a child doesn’t want to share - like a treasured LEGO model - it’s okay to put it away rather than forcing them to hand it over."  

When asked whether children should be expected to share treats, Ketley argued that it depends on the situation.  

"My children tend to share naturally, without being forced," she said. "But it’s different if someone comes up and demands that they should give away what they have."  

Many parents believe encouraging sharing fosters empathy and kindness, but Ketley insists her children already have these qualities.  

"They are empathetic, they are kind, and they are generous," she said. 

"But true generosity comes from a genuine desire to share, not from being pressured into it. 

“I think it’s important to take that pressure off and let them make that choice themselves."