A mum recently reached out for advice on how to help her 10-year-old son process her separation from his dad
She said she believes their split was the right decision, but worries about the emotional toll it might be taking on her child.
After years of unhappiness, she explained that financial constraints had kept her from leaving the relationship.
However, in the past six months, she and her son have moved into a new home, with his father now playing a more limited role in his life.
On the surface, he appears to be adjusting well – but she said she thinks he may be bottling up his emotions and refusing to open up to her.
“He hasn’t told his friends or classmates about the separation, and while his teachers are aware, I can’t help but feel he’s holding something in,” she shared.
“I know he must be affected by this, and I just want to help him open up.”
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune explained that this reaction is not unusual on Newstalk.
“At 10 years old, children often see things like this as private,” she said. “Some kids will talk openly about everything, but many don’t.
“It’s not necessarily a sign that something is wrong – it may just be his way of processing the change.”
She also suggested that her son could be feeling conflicting emotions, given that his mother described the previous home environment as unhappy. He may actually feel a sense of relief, which is something that can be difficult for a child to understand.
“For a 10-year-old, feeling relieved about no longer living with one parent can be really confusing,” she explained.
“He loves his father, but he may also be happier in a more peaceful home. That kind of internal conflict can be tough to put into words.”
If a child isn’t opening up naturally, forcing the conversation can sometimes backfire on parents and push the child further away.
Instead, Ms. Fortune recommends taking a gradual approach, introducing small check-ins into everyday moments.
“Car rides are a great time to casually bring things up,” she suggested.
“You can say something like, ‘It’s been three months since we moved – how are you finding the new place?’
“Keep it light, and if he doesn’t say much, that’s okay. The key is to let him know the door is open without pressuring him to talk.”
Quality time and little prompts can create a safe space for conversation, but if the mother continues to feel that her son is struggling, professional support could be helpful.
“If, over time, you still sense he’s holding onto something, a therapist could give him a neutral space to express himself,” Fortune advised.
