I’m going out on a limb here for all the dads and the partners, the ones who did not physically give birth to the child and/or take full-time responsibility for the health and wellbeing, feeding, washing, clothing, wiping up and lugging around of said child.
You are doomed. DOOMED. Whether you are an astronaut, brain surgeon, fireman (twit-twoo), scientist, rock star – whatever – you must understand this: you cannot compare to the job that is raising kids. You cannot and you will not, ever, ever, EVAH.
You need to accept this fact. You need to stop coming home saying annoying things like ‘God, I’m so tired, had such a hard day, the phone never stopped ringing, I never had a minute’. Because invariably, it will be met with this response: ‘No? Not a minute? What about the hour you spent on the train to work? Get a snooze? Read your book? Did you get a takeaway cup of coffee that you actually finished? Did you get to pee by yourself? Oh you did? Right, go *&%^ yourself then’.
To get away from having that row (again), I’m going to provide you with a few magic words that will save not only your relationship, but also your back from sleeping on the couch for a week. These will empower your partner with the kind of positive reinforcement that he/she needs at the end of a hard day horsing kids around through a cloud of snot and baby wipes.
Are you ready? Here you go, repeat after me:
‘I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT’
Say it again.
‘I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT’.
Feeling brave? If you’ve just come home and your partner is stressed out and totally pulling their hair out, add on:
‘I COULDN’T DO WHAT YOU DO’.
Don’t blow it by saying another word, or pausing in any way so that it sounds sarcastic. Just take over the feeding/washing/refereeing and get ready to launch the ultimate comment that will save you forever,
‘I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO THIS ALL DAY, YOU’RE AMAZING’.
And look forward to a smooch later, instead of being urged to sleep on the couch.
You’re welcome ;o)
Now let’s hear from the dads…
Dave Moore clearly read this piece:
Does your baby daddy need some tips on how to spoil you?
