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22nd Jul 2018

This honest mama is showing the messy truth behind her glamorous Instagram snaps

Trine Jensen-Burke

A scroll through Instagram with all the perfect houses, mums and babies can be enough to make you feel totally inadequate with your own little life, no?

Heck; even Blake Lively herself admitted to getting life-envy when scrolling through some of her favourite have-to-follow-them Instagram profiles. And boy is it easy to get lost in and envious of filtered perfect bost-baby bodies and everything-is-matching nurseries – we know, we have been there too, frequently.

The thing is, though, with social media, things are – thank God – very often not as perfect as filters make them seem. At least not all the time.

Which is why we have fallen head over heels in love with Sydney-based Insta mama Rachelle Rowlings, and her breath-of-fresh-air honest ways.

As I lay on the ground with a Peppa Pig figurine up my arse cheek & some grated cheese in my ear, I thought to myself – Mum’s really can’t have it all ? We want a career where we can sit on the phone to someone other than the poisons hotline, walk to get a coffee without stopping 3267 times to talk to ants & dress in something other than Peter Alexander pastel flanelette’s you’ve had since your HSC. But we don’t want the pain of missing one single milestone ? We want a night out where soft lighting makes us look 16, spanx takes off 12 kilos & our return home time starts with a 00. But the thought of bending down to tan your calves let alone shave them gives you anxiety & you have their dinner, bed time, rocking/shooshing/resettling technique down to such an art that even thinking about someone less experienced attempting it infuriates you ?? You want to interact with adult humans to discuss current world events like how cute Megan Markle’s freckles are & if Kylie’s Fendi pram has any spew stains on it but after spraying deodorant on your hair & hairspray on your underarms the thought of talking to anyone other than your designated Deliveroo man is very high up on the don’t give a f*** list ? We want to book a solo holiday to somewhere tropical where the cocktails are plentiful, the children are minimal & talking is optional! Where you can really find yourself … aka find your stomachs food capacity limit, your skins UV tolerance & your thumbs scrolling ability on Younes Bendjima’s instagram. But we know we’ll end up watching that one video of your child/children where they’re not being destructive, abusive or violent & their sweet, innocent giggles makes your heart physically ache for them ? And so the answer is just that – no one can have it all. Not men. Not women. It’s the hardest juggling act you’ll ever undertake & although there’s days where you drink a gin at 11am in the far right corner of the backyard while they both perform their best vocal rendition of a murder scene inside – you continue the juggle. Every damn day. Because it’s the most beautiful, loving, sincere & pure love that you’ll ever know ❤️ And juggling is the best type of cardio ?

A post shared by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on

Because sure the 32-year-old mother of two shares beautiful photos of herself and her babies son in glamorous places. But – get this – instead of purporting a vibe of perfection through her words, Ms Rowlings accompanies her photos with candid, honest and hilarious captions – the actual truth behind each photo.

And they are hilarious. And oh-so-relateabl to every mum on the planet.

You know when you get to that point where you’re just soooo disgustingly pregnant – Every single thing you do is hard ?? Wee’ing – often & hard! Breathing – compromised & hard! Complaining to anyone who will listen – (Sharon at Woolies thinks I’m doing great) but … still hard ??‍♀️ You’re at the stage where you can’t fit between parked cars, the fridge door hits your decaying bellybutton & your nipple colour is at a frisky shade of tarmac ⚫️⚫️ Trying to fit Roman onto my body is like playing Tetris – I’ll need a bike bump to inflate his bum cheek imprints from her scull! He’s gone from showering me with resentment & showing more affection to his bedroom wall … to loving me to restraining order levels ❤️ He won’t even let me hold the kitchen tongs without throwing them shade ?? And it made me think about those around me – the ones I rely on, order around, whinge to, cry to & burden with my over dramatic(alness)???? Because when you’re this pregnant you are 100% convinced no one in the entire world has ever been as uncomfortable, tired or burdened as you ??‍♀️ And whether you’ve freshly birthed, are a first time Mummy, are pregnant again or just have more than one thing that you have to keep alive – it’s the people around you that save you from drinking paper bagged liquids before 7am ?? After Roman’s surgical birth, I felt as useful as the weeds that grow between pavers. It was painful, scary, daunting to do anything & he (although clingier than a leech) was a human slug so I could be a couch potato watching ‘Botched’ & eating Woolies profitterolls & it didn’t matter. I know I won’t have that ‘luxury’ this time ? And although my entire family is the size of a current day Video Ezy line & my beautiful in laws are a couple of oceans away – it’s quality not quantity ?‍?‍?‍? Regardless of number, whether they’re by blood or by choice or their presence is limited – never forget to ask for help, tell them that you love them (even though you’re an emotionally blackmailing mess) & utilise their unwavering love for your child to get some sleep, wash your underarms or just stand with the fridge door open for longer than 0.5 seconds ?? #37weeks

A post shared by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on

Speaking to Daily Mail Australia, the hilarious mum-of-two explains: “I first came up for the idea for the profile when I was crippled with morning sickness and thought: ‘There must be other mums like me and going through what I’m going through’ – I just couldn’t see them anywhere – it was all pretty, filtered photos and similar captions.”

By the time her baby boy, Roman, came along, the young mum admit she was feeling pretty miserable – even though everyone kept telling her this was the best time of her life.

“No one tells you that you won’t leave the house for six weeks after they’re born, or that your boobs are rock hard and you’ll be up every night.”

If you were to write on a piece of paper the character traits of a toddler it would sound scarily similar to that of a sociopath ??‍⚕️: – Blatant disregard for other people ✔️ – Lack remorse, guilt or shame ✔️ – Stay eerily calm in dangerous situations ✔️ Agreeing head shake? Or starting to consider baby proofing your bedroom door at night? ? Roman, just in one day, can range between Norman Bates, Tony Soprano & Winnie the Pooh ??❤️ Today alone with no remorse he devoured 3/4 of my $22 vegan pancakes saturated in 13 litres of maple syrup, pulled down the waitresses top to discard his half chewed strawberry, stood up on a worryingly unsteady table in his bear suit while poo’ing & tried to make out with three separate parked cars rims ???? And to think that I used to be terrified to leave the house with a newborn ?? What was I scared of?! Leaking out an entire tub of Ben and Jerry’s ? having to carry around 4 kilos of sleeping limpness ?? or changing a nappy no bigger than a fantail wrapper ??! If only I’d known how easy a liquid curry turd, baby gas & a nipple to a little sparrow mouth could be ?? Now I spend my days negotiating with a baby criminal defence lawyer, eating all meals without utensils & returning items to shelves ??‍♀️ #glorifiedslave #inaconstantstateofconfusion #andexhaustion #wheresthebloodymanual #16weeks

A post shared by JR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR ✖️ RR (@rachelle.rowlings) on

So, Rachelle started her Instagram profile, which has – not surprisingly – soared in popularity in recent months.

“Everything I write is one hundred per cent true,” the Instagram star explains. “Just because I put red lipstick on to go to the bathroom and squeezed my body into Ellery dresses while pregnant, doesn’t mean I’m not falling apart 99 per cent of the time.”

When asked what the favourite bit about her recent social media fame is, the young mum is quick to answer:

“The best bit of it all is when other young mothers get in touch via my inbox and say thank you. Mums feel like they need to live up to all of these expectations all of the time, but they shouldn’t worry about struggling behind the scenes.”