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Parenting

25th Mar 2019

16 of the most OUTRAGEOUS things ever said in a labour ward

Sharyn Hayden

We parents always have a story or two up our sleeves from when we gave birth – whether they be about the journey from house to hospital or how long the labour actually took in the end.

Some of the things we also remember most are the conversations we had with our midwives, nurses and other halves as we are involved in one of the most special and important moments of ourt lives.

We asked you what were some of the most outrageous things ever said to you in a labour ward, and well, you really delivered.

(Pun intended, of course!)

Here are 16 of the very best:

1. “It’s a boy! We were told Davin was a girl, so the poor thing was dressed in pink for his first few hours until we got blue stuff” – Natalia, Skerries

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2. Nurse says to me as I was heading to theatre “Love thats not a hair net!!” Oops disposal knickers on my head lol!! True story!! – Susan, Dublin

3. That baby is messing now! (From a nurse to a two-day old, because she didn’t have the ‘mad skillz’ to breastfeed straight away) – Nicola, Rush

4. ‘Oh look I can see the head….ooh it’s gone again.’ Not funny. – Emily, Co. Dublin

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5. “You got yourself into this, now you’ll get yourself out of it” It was assumed I was on my own but everything had happened so quickly that Declan hadn’t made it to the hospital! She was told (between contractions) to get to be fooked out of my labour suite! – Janet, Co. Meath

6. It’s going to be a long night… plenty of time for an epidural… you’re not in labour… Cillian was born three minutes later – Anna, Co. Dublin

7. You should go home and sit in a bath with TCP in it (to a new mum with stitches. WHAT?!) Saidhb, Dun Laoghaire

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8. “Are you going to be much longer? My friends been waiting in the pub across the road for ages…” Obviously, he’s my ex now. – Leona, Co. Meath

9. Male midwife: “The pain won’t get any worse. Me: Really, because it feels a lot worse than earlier. Male midwife: Oh it’ll FEEL worse but it won’t BE any worse. Me: Huh?!”  – Niamh, Co. Meath

10. Our midwife had morning sickness and kept leaving to vomit. Not very reassuring! – Sorcha, Stillorgan

11. Slight panic in midwife voice… If your husband hears his name being called on intercom would he run? (they told him to go get lunch that I’d be a while… ) #panic  – Caroline, Co. Dublin

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12.  “I’ll just go get him some biscuits”. In agony, at the height of contractions, my midwife decided to make a cup of tea for my husband and headed off searching for biscuits. My husband doesn’t even like tea. It was very surreal. Me in agony and her making sure he wasn’t hungry! – Caoimhe, Ashbourne

13. “Now big push Jacinta, come on”….I was the student nurse observing. The patient’s name who was in labour was Olivia…..obviously an over-tired midwife! – Jacinta, Australia

14. My mum gave me a book to read as I was being wheeled into theatre to have Caesarean
‘You won’t be doing much reading where you’re going’, said the midwife. – Marissa, Dublin

15. My husband, whilst I was having no break in contractions, told me his back was sore from leaning over and could I rub it – Catherine, Dublin

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16. “Sure that was no bother to you, we will see you again in here this time next year” – literally just as they handed Síofra to me having just been born!!! Ciara, Co. Kildare

Have you any to add to the list? Let us know in the comments!