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31st Jul 2023

Mum admits she misses her ‘old life’ after welcoming her child

By Steve Hopkins

‘I just can’t shake the feeling that I regret having her’

A woman has spoken of her regret at becoming a mum and how she misses her “old life” and getting time alone to watch Netflix.

Writing on Mumsnet, the mum of a 10-month-old said she couldn’t “shake the feeling” of regret, even though her child is “lovely, sweet and independent”.

The mother, posting under the name TheBerry, said her pre-baby life was “peaceful” and she was much happier alone when she could work from home, have dinners and travel.

“I just can’t shake the feeling that I regret having her,” she wrote.

The new mum explained: “I just want to go back to my old life. I had a quiet, peaceful, unexciting life, and that’s what I like. I’m a very introverted, self-contained person and I was always happy just being by myself, working from home, watching Netflix in the evenings, enjoying nature, having dinner out now and again. Maybe a holiday once in a while.

“Obviously, all that is gone now, and I don’t like it. I don’t like parenting. I think it’s mainly the constant sense of responsibility, constantly having to entertain a baby, never being able to just sit and relax and do nothing all day, always having to be on alert.

The mum wrote that she hoped it would get better as her daughter got older, but conceded that too would “bring its own difficulties.”

“I’m wondering if I’ll enjoy it more once I can reason with her a bit and she can entertain herself more?” she asked fellow parents on the forum.

‘Or will I always regret the loss of my old life? Wondering what other people have found. ‘I’ve read a few things from people with older children who still find it very hard and regret it! But maybe it’s because people find different things difficult.’

Hundreds of mums commented on the post, with many trying to console her.

“It gets better,” one parent replied.

“I found the baby age mind-numbing because you are constantly on alert but never really doing anything you want to. Once you don’t have to watch every single thing they do, and they actually want to do quite fun things with you, it definitely gets better. Don’t get me wrong, long boozy brunches are a thing of the past, but you get much more of yourself back once they get to school age.”

Another wrote: “It will get better OP, ignore anyone who relishes in telling you otherwise, babies are awful. It gets much easier when you can communicate with them two way, it won’t be like this forever, I promise.”

Others shared their own struggles: “I’d like to say it gets easier as they get older, however, both of mine are disabled.

“Had one healthy child that randomly developed a very serious disease at seven years old and now I can never switch off.”

And others told the mum to remember why she became a parent in the first place: “Oh dear. Perhaps if you try to remember why on earth you decided to have a child it might help? You must have felt you were gaining something?”