My 10 years of being a mum have taught me a lot.
In fact, more than I ever imagined.
Some things might seem like small and insignificant, like learning how to make toast or apply mascara with just one hand. How to pee or shower in front of an audience. Other things I have learned are much bigger and more significant, and maybe more surprising. Like how stretchy an organ my heart really is, managing to double in size when my little girl was born, only to grow again three years later when my baby boy came along.
I think I, like most mums, thought prior to motherhood that it would be all about me teaching
them things. And of course, I have implemented some wisdom – I hope!
But more surprising, I think, are the lessons they have ended up teaching me, what they keep teaching me every day.
1. To slow down
Children are wonderfully good at living in the moment. They don’t fret about the past, and they don’t worry about the future, and it is so refreshing to see how incredibly present that makes them.
2. To say “NO” when you mean it
As an adult, and I think women, in particular, it is very easy to get roped into participating in things or taking on jobs you don’t really feel like you have the time, energy for or interest in. That PTA post. The bake sale in the GAA club. The night out with the girls when all you really want is take away pizza in front of Netflix.
Women are by nature people pleasers, I think, trying our best to not let anyone down, but often forgetting to listen to ourselves and what we
really want or need. Children, on the other hand, are not shy about telling you what they DON’T want to do, and maybe if we tried their honest approach, many of us would feel a lot less pulled in every direction.
3. To see what really matters
Toddlers and young children are gloriously simple in their needs. They need to feel safe and loved and full and warm and cared for. End of. They don’t give a toss about the latest reality star or what kind of cars people drive.
And much as I still love pretty dresses or a good handbag or buying cool interior bits for their rooms, I also love how my kids are a constant reminder that while all these material things ultimately will come and go, what really matters, in fact,
all that matters, is family. And the love we have for each other.
4. To be more determined
Nothing and no-one is as determined as a toddler, and sometimes I have to remind myself, in my work life or everyday existence that I too shouldn’t be afraid to voice my wants more passionately.
5. That hugs make everything better
When my children fall and hurt themselves or scrape a knee or stub a toe, me holding them close will literally fix
everything. And there is a good bit of science backing this up, by the way, it’s not all just mama magic. Being held by someone you love has been proven to lower stress, reduce pain and pretty much make every boo-boo go away. Us adults should take more of a leaf out of the kids’ book on this one too, not always be so consumed with not asking for help or comfort. Touch and affection are so important, and sometimes all you need is a hug to set the world right again.
6. Crying it out is good
Children are not afraid to cry when they have been let down, had a bad day, feel overwhelmed or are hurting. And have you noticed how quick they are to recover from anything? Crying is cathartic, it releases all those sad and hurt emotions. Embrace it, let it all out, then pull yourself together and get on with life.
7. To love my body more
Being pregnant and giving birth gave me a whole new perspective on my body and how amazing it really is and what it is capable of. And much as I have always been semi-happy with how I look and never spent too much time fretting over legs that could have been longer and abs that could have been firmer, I now find myself just being gentler in general on myself. Oh, and ever noticed how utterly carefree and body confident toddlers are?! Try that!
8. To open my eyes
Much more so than us adults do, children live with their eyes wide open. They notice butterflies and seashells and funny looking puppies. There is not a firetruck that roars by that my son doesn’t spot and my little girl is so good at seeing the sky change colour or notice when someone looks sad or upset.
Us adults? We are so often glued to our iPhones or other devices these days that we miss so many of these things. Being with my children, they make me want to look up and notice this big, glorious world we are living in. I want to share the moments with them, seeing what they see and how happy it makes them when I notice. Those stupid e-mails and Instagram updates? They can wait.
9. To enjoy treats
In trying to eat good and healthy, many of us are far too quick to beat ourselves up when we indulge in a treat, almost regretting it even as we are eating it. Children never regret a treat, and will literally savour every last bite. I’m not saying you should swap all the salads and quinoa for chocolate, but when you do have that chocolate bar or sneaky sugary treat, allow yourself to really enjoy it.
10. To love endlessly and completely
Sure I knew love even before becoming a mama. I love my family, my friends, I have fallen head over heels in love a few times, and even been lucky enough to marry someone I knew from our very first kiss I wanted to spend my life with. But despite all this love, nothing really prepares you for the love you will feel for your children. It will knock you sideways, and both amaze and terrify you, all at once.
Feeling this, loving someone so utterly and completely, it has made me a better person. It makes me try harder, laugh more, forgive quicker and care so much less about stuff that really doesn’t matter, every single day.
