Search icon


19th Jan 2018

Mum shamed for wanting to exclude child’s classmate from birthday party

The reason didn't go down well with some parents.

Keeley Ryan

A mum has been shamed for wanting to exclude one of her child’s classmates from a birthday party – despite having a heartbreaking reason for doing so.

The Mumsnet user wrote an impassioned open letter to parents who were telling her it was cruel not to invite one child to a class party, recalling her own child’s bullying.

The post began:

“My child was bullied so severely from nursery up to 3rd year at secondary that children have been excluded and have criminal records for GBH and more.

“It started in nursery. With hitting, spitting, shoving and not letting anyone speak to my child. By p1 in primary it had moved to excluding my child and pushing them off seats in the dinner hall. Then it moved to an attack with a rope. The child concerned was 4 and put a skipping rope around my child’s neck, said they wanted to kill my child, and pulled tight.

“My child came home with marks on their neck. They were also being pushed into pebble dashed walls so that they had scrapes on their back and face.”


The post went on to describe how they moved schools and all was well, until a school merger put everyone together in the second year.

She continued:

“And it began again.

“Smashing my child’s face into the pavement and videoing it and putting it on facebook and snapchat.

“Refusing to let my child into the toilets at break and lunch

“Attacking my child outside school and hitting and kicking them (again, videoed)

“Not letting my child eat lunch, deliberately destroying lunch.

“Videoing my child getting changed for pe and sharing via snapchat

“Sexually assaulting my child and putting that on snapchat

“Multiple attempts to set my child on fire including one with an flamethrower improvised from a can of deodorants and lighter (on cctv).”

The original poster says that they went to the police, worked with the school and people were held accountable – but urged parents not to tell her every child should be invited to birthdays.

They continued:

“Seriously no way would i be having my child’s bully anywhere next or near them.

“My child is traumatised – they are getting better with counselling but it has been a hard road. Many many people minimised it with it’s just kids bullying and to hear people on here say all kids should be included to a party is just wrong.

“No way ever would I have the child who bullied mine at a party. Never ever.”

But her reasoning hasn’t gone down well with other parents, with many of them saying she was still being unfair by not inviting the bully.

One mum wrote:

“I still think that all children should be invited to a whole-class party.

“But there is no reason whatsoever why parties need to be for the whole class (and inviting 29 is a big party, so it’s pretty normal for it to be half or two thirds, especially if there are non-school friends as well).”

Another added:

“So you feel that you should invite all the kids who laughed at your child, the ones the watched and did nothing, the ones that wouldn’t play with him because they feared the bully would start on them next?

“Honestly, the kind of bullying you describe takes a village, not just one child. I wouldn’t invite the lead bully, but I wouldn’t invite a lot of the other kids either. I’d only invite actual friends. “

Someone else commented:

“It is cruel not to invite ONE child to a class party. It is not cruel not to invite many children to a class party.”

Another mum asked:

“Surely the answer is to change schools rather than concern yourself with party invites?”