“I am not a stay at home housekeeper.”
A mum-of-three’s powerful open letter about being a stay at home mum and the expectations of partners has sparked a debate online.
Kayla Roussin, who runs the blog In the Midst of Mama, began the Facebook post by explaining how it was an issue that had been weighing heavy on her heart.
She started:
“When my husband and I decided I should be a stay at home mom, we agreed that that’s what I would be, a MOM.
“I am not a stay at home housekeeper. Yes, I clean throughout the day, but my main focus will always be my children.
“Most of the cleaning I do during the day involves our kids in some way: switching laundry, unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, picking up toys.
“I want them to know that it takes a team to keep our home clean.
“But if we spent the entire day playing and learning and growing and the house is a mess at the end of the day, my husband and I tag team when he gets home from work.”
She went on to explain how she and her husband work together when he gets home, from doing the day-to-day chores to making memories with their little ones.
The mum-of-three continued:
“This house is OURS not just mine. These children are OURS not just mine.
“I refuse for them to remember me just cleaning all the time and I refuse to teach my children that the household duties fall on the mothers shoulders alone.
“I stay at home to be present in their lives, not to make sure my house is spotless at a moments notice.
“If they want to play a game, I’m going to play. If they want me to snuggle, darn right I’m going to snuggle.
“If they want to color, we’re going to make a masterpiece to hang proudly on the fridge. If they want to read a book, I’m going to read that book as many times as they want.
“I am by no means saying that you should let your house turn into a dump, but I feel like so many men just expect the house to be spotless just because their wives stay at home.
“We as mothers do not give up careers, adult interaction, a paycheck, and sanity to ensure that the house shines like the top of the Chrysler building when our husbands walk through the door, and I feel pretty confident in saying that many of us are way more stressed about the mess than you are.”
Her post went on to include a powerful plea for parents to remember that “the mess can wait” – and how she feels that other husbands should help with the housekeeping when they get home.
She wrote:
“Instead of talking down to your wife for the crumbs on the floor, pick up a broom. Instead of yelling about the marker scribbles on the table, ask her if she had a hard day and give her a hug.
“Instead of telling her she’s lazy for not folding the laundry, thank her for raising your children and start folding the never ending pile of mismatch socks.
“Instead of huffing and puffing about the things that aren’t done, ask her what she did with the kids, ask her if they laughed, what she taught them, how many times she told them she loved them, then take off your work boots and clean the kitchen.
“Being a stay at home mom is hands down the best gift I have ever been given, but it’s also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”
Her words have prompted reactions from other parents, with most of them praising Roussin for her strong words. The post isn’t a new one but it’s such a topical subject that we think it’s worth sharing it with our audience.
You can read her full post here.
