“A picture really is worth 1000 words.”
A mum has shared a powerful post about the reality of having hospital visitors after giving birth.
Mum-of-three Katie Bowman shared the open letter on Facebook, alongside a photo of herself taken 24 hours after giving birth to her eldest.
“I have no idea who took the picture, but you can probably already tell how I feel just by looking at it,” she began.
Katie asked if it was “too much to ask for” for well-wishers to give new mums one or two days, to give them time to bond with their newborn – and to adjust to the new changes in their life.
“1 or 2 days for a new mum to come to terms with the fact she had a tiny human emerge from her body. 1 or 2 days for her to finally have a shower and wash the sweat and blood from her body,” she continued. “1 or 2 days for her to push through the pain of her sore nipples as she learns to breastfeed. 1 or 2 days for her to try to have some sleep because she is absolutely exhausted.”
The mum-of-three notes that mums have “gone through one of the most painful, exhausting and mind-blowing experiences in your life” before being introduced to life as a mum.
“Has everyone forgotten how tolling that can be on both your emotional and physical well being? The last thing you then want, is for everyone to be bombarding your room to play pass the parcel, before you have even had a chance to recover,” she wrote.
“Learning to breastfeed is no private affair. You don’t just slip your nipple out and your baby connects to it like a magnet. You get your whole boob out, and slide your baby up and down waiting for them to latch on. The nurse comes in and helps you massage some colostrum out. Then you try the other side, so now you’ve got both boobs out,” she continued.
“Your vagina or stomach is in a world of pain. More often than not, there’s been a cut somewhere. You struggle to get comfortable in that hard hospital bed, because no position feels ok. You can barely sit, stand, lie down, or walk. Honestly, my vagina still hurt for 2 or 3 weeks after that. The hospital doesn’t like you to leave until they know you have emptied your bowels without your vagina falling out too. When do you fit in trying to pass that painful lump when your room is full of visitors?”
She stressed the importance of setting boundaries with well-wishers – noting that she had to ask for a photo with her own newborn, as her daughter was being passed to eager family members.
“Everyone is so excited to have a photo with the new baby, the new mum doesn’t get a photo with her own damn baby! I had to ask for a photo with mine, other than that one photo, the only others I have are of her fresh out of my uterus, with us laying there naked and covered in blood,” the Aussie mum said. “Thank you to the saintly midwife who was kind enough to grab my phone and capture the most precious photos that exist to me. From there on, it’s mostly selfies.”
“Everyone wants the bragging rights to say they saw the new baby within 24 hours. They simply must satisfy their need to hold this new baby. If you don’t allow them to come visit you in the hospital, you’re a selfish, delicate, drama queen,” she continued.
“Then people come in with their comments of ‘now you only look 4 months pregnant instead of 9’ or ‘you look tired’ I’m sorry, but in what world is it ok for you to comment on a new mother’s appearance? WE ARE SO BLOODY FRAGILE RIGHT NOW! If my vagina wasn’t so sore, I might have pulled some Kung Fu Panda on your ass.”
She acknowledged that while some people “can’t wait to have visitors,” her post was for the mums who have tried to ask visitors to wait – only to be made to feel like they have told well-wishers they wouldn’t be able to be in the newborn’s life.
“I feel so loved that everyone couldn’t wait to meet our new baby, and so happy that everyone wanted to be part of our baby’s life. What I didn’t realise was how hard trying to ask people to stay away for a day would be,” Katie wrote. “‘It’ll just be a quick visit.’ You’re too tired to argue, so you sit and wait for them to get their baby fix.”
“The next time someone you know has a baby, remember how tired this new mother looks. I know you are excited, but remember it is not your right to visit a new baby, it is a privilege,” she said.
You can read Katie’s post in full here.
