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Family dynamics

26th Sep 2021

Mum sparks debate after admitting her daughter’s needs come after her and her partner’s

Trine Jensen-Burke

mum admits to putting her daughter's needs after her own and her partner's

I always think of being a mother as always being ‘on.’

There is no flight mode when it comes to motherhood. It is full-on and all in – and I love it with every fibre of me. My children and their well-being is at the forefront of everything I do and every decision I make. Which is, I think, the case for most of us.

And this is no doubt the reason it sparked such a frenzy of comments when one mum admitted she consistently puts her and her partner’s needs ahead of her daughter’s.

Raya Michelle, who goes by @iamrayamichelle on TikTok, urged other parents to be more like her – telling others she’s ‘right’ in her approach.

@iamrayamichelletaking care of yourself makes you a better parent #rayasunshine #millennialmom #nomomshaminghere #millennialparents #hierachyofneed #badparent

♬ original sound – Raya Michelle

In her video, Raya argues that taking care of yourself actually makes you a better parent. Explaining why her daughter comes bottom of the pile in their household, she said:

‘I am ready to fight about it because I’m right.

‘The order in which my care gets dispersed inside our home, with the people in our home, goes: Me, myself, my partner, my child.’

The mum-of-one admits people tell her it seems ‘backwards’, but goes on to explain why, in her opinion, it’s the right thing to do, saying a person can’t fulfil the needs of others if their own needs are not met first.

She added:

‘”But Raya, that feels backwards, shouldn’t you?!”…

‘No, because if my needs aren’t getting met and I’m not feeling cared for, nobody on this list below me is having a good time.’

Raya goes on to say that the same rule applies to her partner, Justin, explaining that if he doesn’t feel cared for, nobody is going to have a good time ‘above or below him.’

She said:

‘I don’t feel like it’s that hard but people keep saying things like “my child is the only thing that gives meaning to my life.” Then you need to reassess your life.’

Thoughts, parents?