Friday last week was one of those days where there was just too much on.
The kids went to Jackie The Amazing Child Minder so I could plow into work for a few hours, as they do every Friday. It's my one and only day of the week when both kids are out of the house simultaneously, and I can get something done for me. I generally try to ignore the housework, phone calls from private numbers (the fear), and I refuse to let Ass Monkey discuss any topic with me, shoving him out the door as soon as it hits 9am. Every single moment alone is precious, and God help anyone who comes between me and my laptop.
Last Friday, however, was a little bit different. Firstly, the rain was depressing, and I fought the urge to make the house more snug by doing things like lighting the fire because that would have required my cleaning out the fireplace. I calculated that would cost me approximately nine minutes, and I'd be quicker lashing on the central heating and filling a hot water bottle. So I did.
We are having a bit of work done to the walls in our back garden and so I did my best to ignore the sounds of cement mixers, shouting and the slamming of garden gates. Somewhere around noon, it got very quiet, and I guessed that with the then torrential downpour, it was safe to assume that they had gone home. And then I heard a sneeze... I snuck a look out the back garden and saw two of the builders huddled in our shed for cover. It was freezing out there! So I dragged them into the kitchen and shoved tea and biscuits down their throats, lest I should be accused of some sort of
Downton Abbey-esque 'upstairs' behaviour. But my good deed resulted in a loss of at least fifteen minutes. Raging.
In a bit of a stressy state, I zoomed over to collect the kids a bit early so that I could bring Jacob to a birthday party. Since my mum was off work, she agreed to mind Eva, on the basis that I was only planning to be gone for an hour and a half, max. "Kids parties!" I cried, "Of a Friday! Til 6pm! I'm allergic. And it's lashing so there won't be a bouncy castle. Therefore, Jacob will be bored and won't want to stay. See you soon!"
Jacob is only three and a half and we haven't yet gone to that many birthday parties for other kids. The ones we have gone to, I've always stayed with him, chatted with the other parents and kept an eye on him and his sneaky sugar intake (he found chocolate biscuits in my dad's home office yesterday that even my dad didn't know were there!). But when we arrived at this particular party...there were no other parents there. Loads of kids alright, but no parents.
'You can leave him here if you like!' the Mammy In Charge told me.
"Oh, ok but...I've never done that before!" I blurted out in a panic, like someone who was about to have sex for the first time.
Mammy In Charge looked at me like I was bananas, and so after a little bit of my hanging about uncomfortably, asking Jacob if he wanted to stay, writing my phone number down, realising that I was in the way... I left him there.
I backed out of the driveway slowly, a little reluctantly, feeling a bit unsure as to whether I had done the right thing or not. And then I sped up a little bit, and a little bit more and suddenly I was bailing home at high speed,
Lady GaGa blaring from the radio.
When I got home, I thought;
"Should I go get Eva from mam's now instead of leaving her there, thinking I'm with Jacob at this party...?"
"....Or will I nip in and put my fake tan on for going out tonight...?"
An extra hour and a half to myself? You bet I took it and told no one. I am so looking forward to all those four-year-olds' parties this summer ;o)
Sharyn Hayden's book
I Forgot to Take my Pill is available to order
Amazon.
Main image is the iconic car from
Thelma and Louise by Jesús Prudencio from his series
Cars and Films 
