Prior to actually becoming a parent, I bet the vast majority of us vowed we would never succumb to manipulation or go back on our word as far as kids were concerned.
Well, I don't know how long you all lasted, but I will be the first one to admit I rather frequently find myself eating my words when it comes to stuff I once swore I would
never do (while I smugly judged other parents who did). That's karma for you.
However, according to American mum (and TV personality) Jamie Primak Sullivan – who often refers to herself as Meanest Mom Ever – parents need to be a lot better at standing firm and not let themselves be manipulated by their children.
Sullivan shared a video the other day (that has since been viewed more that 25,000 times) about an incident that happened over the weekend, where she highlights the importance of remembering that parenting is a 24/7 job.
In the video, Primak Sullivan talks about how her eight-year-old daughter, Olivia, has started to act manipulative. “She’s not malicious in her manipulation,” she says, “but habits are starting.” She’s trying to stop the habit from becoming part of her daughter’s personality.
While at a gathering this weekend some of the kids were having yogurts with M&M’s in them, and Primak Sullivan’s daughter wanted one. She was told she could have one, but there was a catch. Primak Sullivan allows her kids to indulge on special occasions, “but we’re not just going to consume sugar, sugar, sugar just because it’s a holiday.”
So she told her daughter, “You are welcome to have the yogurt with the M&M’s, but just know there’s going to be cake after dinner and you’re not going to have both.” Her daughter (wisely) chose the cake.
Of course, soon after she had the cake she came back to her mum and asked, “Dad said I could have the yogurt, so is it okay if I have it?”
Kids will cotton on to this technique quickly, and think they are clever with the, “go ask dad when mum says no trick”, and a lot of mums would have let this one slide or decided to talk about it with their child later, but not Primak Sullivan.
She pulled her daughter into a bedroom to explain to her why she was wrong. “She wasn’t in any trouble,” she says, “but she had to own her manipulation and for a lot of people that is very difficult. ”
When they returned to the party her daughter was still visibly upset, and people started to come to little Olivia’s defense, saying Primak Sullivan should just relent and give her a yogurt. But the yogurt isn’t the point, is it?
“It isn’t about the yogurt, it’s about the manipulation and the bad habits that are starting now,” Primak Sullivan explains. “You see, when they’re eight and a half, it’s easy to just let them have the yogurt and overlook the manipulation. But an eight-year-old who manipulates, even from not a malicious place becomes a 12-year-old who does it, becomes a 17-year-old who does it, becomes a 21-year-old who does it, becomes a 30-year-old who does it.”
Was she right, do you think? Should we act quickly so bad behavior doesn't slide into a bigger issue, or was this a bit much – especially as it was a special occasion as such? What would YOU have done?
(In the end Primak Sullivan encouraged her daughter to ask her next time before going being mom’s back. And she let her have a little bit of the yogurt because, after all, she’s not
really the meanest mom ever.)
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