A new mum has told of her worries as her neighbour “guilt trips” her into giving her breast milk.
The woman wrote into Slate’s Dear Prudence column, where she explained that she and her wife had lived in the same apartment building as ‘Tara’ for two years – but they were only really acquaintances.
However, that changed when they both got pregnant around the same time – and the pair started to talk more.
She explained:
“I saw Tara a few days after she gave birth and asked her how things were going. She burst into tears and told me that she didn’t think she would be able to breastfeed.
“She sounded so heartbroken about not nursing (with comments like ‘my baby is unlucky to have me for a mother’) that I offered to give her a few of my stored bags of breast milk to at least ease her mind.
“She enthusiastically agreed, and later that day I dropped off four bags of milk.”
The following morning, she had over a dozen texts from her neighbour – who wanted to set up a schedule for her to drop off more milk.
The woman added:
“The texts made it clear that she expected me to provide her with enough breast milk to feed her daughter exclusively.
“I tried offering excuses, none of which she would accept.
“If I said I didn’t think I could produce enough milk for two babies, she replied that mothers of twins do it all the time.
“If I said I didn’t want to spend any more time pumping or nursing, she said I could pump on one breast while feeding my son on the other.”
The new mum held her ground, which led ‘Tara’ to start texting her photos of her crying daughter with captions like, “Faye is so sad that her bottle has yucky formula! She misses her yummy breast milk!”
The frustrated woman said she was at a loss on what to do, as ‘Tara’ wouldn’t stop texting her. She said she was worried that if she blocked her number, she would head to apartment to confront her.
The response from Dear Prudence pointed out how “absolutely beyond out of line” ‘Tara’ had been, and encouraged the mum to block her neighbour’s number.
The advice continued:
“Before you block her number, you need to make it clear with Tara just how unwelcome her behavior is: ‘These messages are totally inappropriate and need to stop. I will not talk to you about this again.’
“I’d recommend looping your landlord into the conversation if she starts showing up at your doorstep; my guess is that your landlord does not want someone harassing their tenants for loose breast milk any more than you do.
“You don’t need to move, but you do need to make peace with the idea that Tara is not going to be happy. As long as you get what you need (peace and quiet) it doesn’t matter if Tara thinks you’re the cruelest, most unfeeling mother in the world—she’s an unreasonable person with deranged expectations and horrifying judgment.”
