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27th Jan 2018

Adoptive mum was told she’s not a ‘real parent’ – read her amazing response

'I didn't labour for hours for this child, I laboured for YEARS.'

This shows that every experience of parenting is different.

An adoptive mum has written an incredible message to another woman who told her she wasn’t a ‘real parent’.

Reddit user Vietnamazinggg wrote on the social site that “a woman on Facebook tried to tell me I wasn’t a real parent since I didn’t give birth.”

She responded saying that although she and her wife aren’t biological related to their son, they’re every bit his parents.

“I did not get to feel him growing within me, or hold him against my skin when he was born. Perhaps by your definition, my child is not a part of me – he does not resemble me or my wife.

“I didn’t labor for hours for this child, I labored for YEARS. I waited for years to be told that we had been chosen, that we were finally going to be allowed to be parents.

“I didn’t feel labor pains. I felt the incredible pain of emptiness in my heart and home as my wife and I yearned to begin our family through adoption.”

She went on to detail the struggles of caring for a child who has been traumatised by his past life.

“A child lives to depend on me – you’re right. My child has been let down by everyone else in his life. You think I am not losing sleep? He may not wake me up to feed him every couple hours, but he screams out in his sleep – no doubt reliving past traumas from the life he led before being adopted.

“Not every experience is your experience. Not every mother is a mother because she gave birth. Not every child is yours or a ‘part of you’ because you grew it inside of you.

“My child will always be a part of me, because we’re fighting for this life together.”

She concluded her message very succinctly.

 “Fuck you. I’m a mom.”


Is there a divide between different kinds of parents? Join the conversation on Twitter @HerFamilydotie