“Kids can’t undo what they’ve already done, and we don’t want to leave them stuck feeling badly about themselves.”
Kids will be kids. Things will happen that’ll make us lose our cool. And we’re compelled to correct certain behaviors, in order to be ‘good’ parents.
But none of us want to be the big bad wolf all the time either.
So how do we ensure our children learn from a situation, without totally letting them off the hook?
Clinical psychologist and mother of four, Eileen Kennedy-Moore recently explained her method to Parents.
Step 1: Offer an excuse for their behavior
“Start by saying, ‘I know you didn’t mean to’ or ‘you probably didn’t realise’ or ‘I get that you were trying to.’ This tells him that you know he’s a good kid and has good intentions even when he messes up.”
Step 2: Tell them what they did wrong and how it affected others
“Say, ‘when you hit your brother, his arm hurt a lot.’ It may be tempting to add, ‘you always treat him that way’ or ‘you don’t care enough about other people’s feelings,’ but you won’t make your point clearer by convincing her of her badness.”