As a parent, car journeys with kids can be stressful sometimes because our kid’s needs can literally change by the minute.
All the organising in the world, no matter how long or short the journey in the car, simply can’t allow for a brand new dirty nappy, a suddenly sick child, a need to wee or a hungry tummy.
Because there is so much to consider and to deal with at times, it kills me that there are so many inconsiderate other drivers on the road who literally don’t give a damn what you might be dealing with.
It’s bad enough if it’s just me in the car going to work and I’m being beeped at by some impatient asshole behind me, just because I’m letting an old lady cross the road (this has totally happened), but when it happens and you have a crying baby in the back seat? It is the WORST.
Here are the 8 types of drivers that I would like to see eliminated by a process of, em, let’s just say ‘imprisonment’ for dramatic effect:
1. The lights flasher
I am 100% down with that legendary Irish way of notifying another driver that there is a speed camera van up ahead – flash! flash! flash! What I am NOT ok with is driving right up behind me and flashing your lights because you aren’t into the speed limit and would like me to move out of your way asap. Get a life.
2. The premature beeper
You know the one, the one who beeps at you the SECOND the traffic light turns green. Like, can I get into gear for a second? Get over yourself.
3. The driving instructor
I once had Jacob and Pearl the dog in the car, AND was heavily pregnant with Eva when a fire engine came roaring up behind us as we were in a line of traffic at a roundabout. I moved out to the side and watched to see which way it needed to go as the REALLY LOVELY PERSON behind me revved and beeped at me. The fire truck got through and yer man decided to pull up beside me, roll down his window and lecture me about how I shouldn’t have ‘stopped on a roundabout’. So I told him he was a dickhead. And took a pic of his reg and posted it on Facebook. That’ll learn him.
4. The time-wasting traffic police
Ok, this is partly my fault because I used to have a bumper sticker that read ‘I’m Pregnant So Back The F*ck Off’, and I think that’s what prompted the police to pull me over. They were sound and all but they literally stopped for a chat and not, you know, to reprimand me for anything in particular. I was pretty late for work that day.
5. The boy racers
Hear ye, hear ye. If my son ever drives a souped-up car, or makes the decision to be a passenger in a souped-up car, I will gladly turn him in myself. What is it with these absolute gobshites who are on a death wish with their ridiculous looking and sounding cars? I was recently boxed in on the motorway by three of these little shitbags as I tried to drive home with the kids. They deliberately revved up beside our car while they laughed at me which could have been really intimidating to a nervous driver. Eventually, they got off the road and I contacted the police and they.. ignored it. Good job.
6. The intimate parkers
Have you ever tried to get a baby and a car seat into your car with a five-inch space to navigate it? I have! As have loads of other parents who come back to their car to find some ass munch has parked right in beside them and there’s no way to get the baby seat in. May they forever have slow punctures in their tyres.
7. The phone people
WHY are people still using their mobile phones while they’re driving? There is literally no end to the types of hands-free kits you can get and they’re not at all expensive. I have absolutely no interest in being in an accident on the road just because you think you look so important and cool chatting to your gals while you’re cruising down the motorway. Put. It. Down.
8. The self-important
If you A) drive a jeep too close to a regular sized car because they’re not going fast enough, B) don’t let other people out when you have an opportunity or C) drive at high speed for no particular reason (i.e. you don’t work for the emergency services), you fall into this category. You are NOT more important than anyone else on the road, you do NOT need to get there quicker than everyone else, chill out and stop trying to cause an accident. That cool?
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