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21st May 2018
09:45am BST
Six out of ten mothers of children aged 0-5 say they have been criticised about their parenting, on everything from discipline to breast feeding. The new report is based on responses from a national sample of mums with at least one child under the age of five.
The poll's co-director Sarah Clark, a research scientist at the university's department of paediatrics, says that unlike celebrity parents who receive anonymous blasts on social media, non-famous mums feel their greatest critics lie within their own families:
"Our findings tap into the tensions moms face when parenting advice leads to more stress than reassurance and makes them feel more criticised than supported. Mothers can get overwhelmed by so many conflicting views on the 'best' way to raise a child. Unsolicited advice - especially from the people closest to her child - can be perceived as meaning she's not doing a good job as a mother. That can be hurtful."The most frequent offenders? Mums' own parents. Thirty-seven percent of poll respondents have felt second guessed by their mother or father. That tally was followed by a spouse or their child's other parent (36 percent) and in-laws (31 percent). Mothers report far less criticism from friends, other mothers they encounter in public, social media commenters, their child's doctor and child care provider. Discipline is the most frequent topic of criticism, with 70 percent of mothers 'shamed' about it. Other areas of concern are diet and nutrition (52 percent), sleep (46 percent), breast- vs. bottle-feeding (39 percent), safety (20 percent), and child care (16 percent).
Clark notes that the subject of discipline is especially rife with opposing views and cultural differences - smacking versus time-outs, for instance - or strict adherence to rules instead of allowing space for a child to explore. The public health researcher says that new information about child health and safety often challenges long-held parenting practices that other family members used themselves or have grown up with:
"Family members should respect that mothers of young children may have more updated information about child health and safety, and 'what we used to do' may no longer be the best advice."Although 42 percent of mums say the criticism has made them feel unsure about their parenting choices, it has also pushed them to be proactive. Many of the mothers in the poll said that they have responded to 'shamers' by consulting a medical professional for advice. In some cases, new information prompted mothers to make a change in their parenting but other times, research validated a parenting choice. Mums in the poll were much less likely to report being criticised by their child's health care provider than by family members:
"This indicates that most mothers view their child's health care provider as a trusted source of accurate information and advice, not as a critic. Child health providers can help by encouraging mothers to ask questions about any parenting uncertainties, and offer reassurance and practical advice that helps boost mothers' confidence and reduce anxiety around choices."Sixty-two percent of mums in the poll say they get a lot of unhelpful advice from other people, while 56 percent believe parents get too much blame and not enough credit for their children's behaviour. Half of those surveyed said they simply avoid people who are too critical:
"It's unfortunate when a mother feels criticised to the point where she limits the amount of time she and her child will spend with a family member or friend. To guard against that situation, advice to mothers of young children should be given with empathy and encouragement."
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