“Bossy” has a bad reputation. I mean, just try googling the word, and you will no doubt find images of sour-faced women pointing their index fingers at you.
Absent largely, however, are images of boys or men attached to the same word. Strange? Not so much, says Facebook COO and author of Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg. “When a man or a little boy asserts himself, he’s called a ‘leader. And yet when the same thing is being done by a little girl – or indeed woman, rest assured she will be labeled “bossy”.”
This, Sandberg, argeus, sends a clear message to girls: “Words like bossy send a message: don’t raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead.”
This is what Sandberg is trying to change with her #BanBossy campaign, launched last year.
“Fear of being labeled ‘bossy’ has real impact on girls’ lives,” she tells the Guardian. “Meaning, girls are more likely than boys to fear that taking leadership roles will make them seem ‘bossy’, they’re less likely than boys to be called on in class, and as they enter adolescence their self-esteem plummets. ‘Bossy’ is hardly the only culprit, but it is one of those gender-coded words we use too often to discourage girls from being assertive.”
The problem according to Sanberg, who has enlisted the help of some very famous faces to promote this important campaign, is that a word like ‘bossy’ dims the very skills which girls so need to succeed. “Because ‘bossy’ doesn’t just hurt the confident girls; the quiet girls in the classroom hear it, too, and they learn not to speak up for themselves,” she says. “A ‘bossy’ girl is unlikable, apparently. A ‘bossy’ girl is a mean girl”.
Of course boys sometimes gets told off for being ‘bossy’ too, but not nearly as often as girls, and even from an early age, they learn to associate ‘bossy’ with something bad. “They hear that opinionated, forceful or self-assured girls are unpleasant people to be chastised, while their own assertiveness is rewarded,” Sandberg says.
The confidence gap between girls and boys start early. “Between elementary and high school, girls’self–esteem drops 3.5 times more than boys,” the Facebook COO explains, and it’s a trend that continues into adulthood. “Girls are twice as likely as boys to worry thatleadership roles will make them seem “bossy.”
Her strategy? Ban the word bossy, and encourage assertiveness in little girls and women. Just take it from Beyonce herself: “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
LeanIn.Org is a nonprofit organization founded by Sheryl Sandberg to empower all women to achieve their ambitions. LeanIn.Org offers inspiration and support through an online community, free expert lectures and Lean In Circles, peer groups who meet regularly to share and learn together.
(Feature photo, Charles Gullung)
