“‘When you birth a baby you also birth a version of you and your partner that simply put NEVER existed”
A therapist for mothers has revealed the top three things all couples should know before welcoming a baby.
Melissa Fairhust, @mommebe_well, has based this expert advice on topics discussed in her mum groups and 1:1 sessions with clients.
At the top of the list is preparing for the ‘momumental’ shift in a marriage or relationship after a baby’s birth, according to the mum of three.
Highlighting the importance of this, the research carried out by Psychology Today found that 67% of couples reported a decline in satisfaction in their marriage or relationship after a baby is born.
Get comfortable with the uncomfortable
Melissa says if she could go back, she’d be more aware of the toll bringing a baby into a marriage or relationship can have, based on her own experiences.
“We’d go back & tell ourselves that having a baby was going to take us to the very brink of our relationship and sometimes make us even question if we could get through the trenches together.”
However, becoming parents together is a connection like no other, she says.
“But you can and in fact in most cases it makes the bond you already have even stronger. Because if we prepped a bit more for those feelings for the ones that felt like they’d never happen to us.
“Those uncomfortable ones ..then just maybe we’d have implemented some things sooner after our first baby.”
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Meetings
One key piece of advice the therapist recommends is that couples have regular ‘meetings’ with one another.
She suggests setting aside 15 minutes to sit down, address important things that may be occurring both individually and together, and discuss how each of you can help and collaborate with each other for the weekend ahead.
Explaining that this works for her in her family life, she understands that with heightened feelings, this may not always be possible but shouldn’t discourage you from trying again.
“Before these meetings it is agreed that we don’t argue if we start trending that way the meeting concludes, try again another time when it’s calmer.”
Dig Deeper
Melissa says learning about each other and how each of you manages when ‘overwhelmed and emotional’ is valuable knowledge to have.
Gaining insight into each other’s triggers can help you learn to support your partner when they face stressful times and can even help you to avoid misdirecting these emotions during heated times.
“Because it’s no surprise your partner may get the brunt of that. Doing this helps you both be able to figure out how you can support one another especially during these times.”
Melissa offers a range of expert advice for mums on maintaining maternal mental health via her Instagram account @mommebe_well.
Whether you are already in the midst of motherhood, or are preparing to enter it, extensive advice and support can be found across her account.
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