“I gave my mom boundaries when I had my kids” – TikTok star says we don’t owe our parents anything

Have you had to set boundaries with your parents as an adult?

For a lot of people, navigating the parent-child dynamic when that child becomes an adult is difficult. As the child grows up, moves out, and gains experience living their own life, they really become their own 'person' outside of their family (or their family's idea of them). But parents have a tendency to view their kids as subordinate, and so when the adult child speaks to them as an adult or asserts themselves and their boundaries, the parent can see it as a sign of disrespect. Many adults experience this dynamic when they have their own kids and their parents become grandparents. Though many wonderful grandparents offer great support to their children in parenthood, some don't understand their new role doesn't require unsolicited advice, takeovers or their opinion on how their grandchild should be raised. One woman who drew criticism for admitting she set boundaries with her mother when her children were born has addressed this dynamic. She criticised how many parents feel they're "owed" a certain, still somewhat subservient relationship from their adult children, including being listened to when it comes to their grandchildren. The woman, who goes by the screen name itsme_lisap, instead argues that no, children don't owe their parents anything when they grow up and that everything parents do for their kids is simply part and parcel of being a parent – which they signed up for. "I got a lot of comments on my video about setting boundaries with my mom from older women reiterating the message 'you should be grateful for everything your mother has done for you,'" Lisa revealed. "...Like somehow setting boundaries with someone means you don't love or appreciate what they've done for you. "...Children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship. And depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect." Lisa says taking care of a child's physical and financial needs is the "bare minimum" of parenting, and that even going a step further to care for their emotional needs isn't something that should make kids indebted to their parents for life. "You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults," she added. Many other mothers agreed with her in the comment section of her video. "I agree. I gave my mom boundaries when I had my kids...she knew I loved her and respected her but she understood," one user commented. Another mother wrote: "I had kids to be a mom. For me. My choice. They owe me NOTHING when they get older." "I heard once 'people who set boundaries are trying to maintain a relationship instead of walking away' and some parents need to understand this," added another. While it's important we show our parents the respect they deserve, it's important they respect us, our wishes and our boundaries in turn.