Why it’s time to permanently ground the helicopter parent

It's time to ground helicopter parents. Permanently.

Psychologists define helicopter parenting as mothers and fathers who are 'over-involved' in the lives of their children. This may sound dichotomous - after all, shouldn't being involved be at the very heart of good parenting? Well, yes and no. There is a big difference between parents who are physically and emotionally available to their children and parents who make every decision for their child, attempt to solve every problem or life challenge and constantly intervene in their offspring's life. The term 'helicopter parent' was first coined by Jim Fay, a parenting and educational consultant, and Foster Cline, a psychiatrist, in their 1990 book Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility. But the strong visual metaphor actually appeared much earlier in Dr Haim Ginott's 1969 bestselling book Between Parent & Teenager, which features a teenager who complains that "Mother hovers over me like a helicopter and I’m fed up with her noise and hot air. I’m entitled to sneeze without explanation." But, but, but, the HP argues; helping my child isn't harmful - it's a sign of my love. Sorry HP, but your parenting style is indeed doing far more harm than good. Experts say the negative effects of hovering mums and dads range from lower self-worth to lack of coping and problem-solving skills to engaging in high-risk behaviour, such as substance abuse. Dr Larry Nelson, an expert in emerging adulthood who has researched and written widely on the topic of helicopter parenting, says too much control is too much, no matter what parents' good intentions may be:

"From past research, we thought there might be something positive about helicopter parenting under certain conditions, but we're just not finding it. Overall, stepping in and doing for a child what the child developmentally should be doing for him or herself, is negative."

However, Nelson warns that helicopter parents shouldn't overcompensate by removing themselves completely from their children's lives:

"Lack of control does not mean lack of involvement, warmth and support."

Professor of psychology, Helen Schiffrin, says that the intrusive parenting style only serves to de-skill children:

"We think when parents are over-involved with their kids lives, they're undermining their sense of competence, both by sending a message that says, I think you can’t do it yourself, and robbing them of the opportunity to practice those skills. Most of the time when parents are doing these things, they think they are being helpful to their child but if we don't give children the opportunity to problem solve, we really are taking something away from them."

Sound familiar? Are you guilty of overly intense parenting? Here are eight indicators that you might need to prepare for landing... 1. You can't relax enough to talk to another parent in the playground or play centre because you feel the need to watch your child at every given moment. 2. Your child never plays in the garden alone. 3. You intervene in almost every interaction your child has with other kids. 4. Your child constantly looks to you to negotiate on his or her behalf. 5. You construct or lead your child's activities rather than letting him or her engage in free play. 6. You micromanage and hover throughout playdates. 7. You regularly approach your child's teacher for extra progress reports. 8. You believe danger is everywhere.