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Expert advice

06th Nov 2021

A parenting coach explains what happens to children’s brains when you shout

what happens to children's brains when parents shout

I truly believe that when it comes to raising our children, we all have the best intentions at heart.

However, then there are days when we are rushing. When we burnt the dinner. When we have work deadlines looming. And so then, when the kids pick a fight with each other for the seventh million time that day, or when they refuse to eat the dinner you just cooked, or talk back – then we sometimes snap. And shout.

And sure look, we all do it sometimes. We are human, after all.

But – what happens to children’s brains when parents shout?

However, if it happens frequently and the shouting becomes a pattern, well, then it becomes a problem – and one that might be far more far-reaching than we could have ever imagined.

Parenting coach Csilla Love, who shares dozens of parenting videos with her 163,000 followers on her Tik Tok channel, recently took to the social media site to warn about what happens to children’s brains when parents shout – and how it can affect their brain development and even lead to aggression.

She also pointed out that shouting actually makes behaviour worse, and that being shouted at by a parent can cause depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and aggression in children.

@csilla.love How constant yelling can affect a child ? #consciousparenting #LearnonTikTok #parentingtips #parentcoach #positiveparenting #parentinghacks #fyp ♬ Blade Runner 2049 – Synthwave Goose

In her video, titled ‘How constant yelling can affect a child’, Csilla plays both the part of a parent and child, to illustrate the effects of shouting.

Reacting as the child to being shouted at, she says:

‘Your yelling can actually make my behaviour worse rather than better, which means you’ll have to yell at me more to correct it, and the cycle will continue.

‘Your yelling is also changing the way my brain develops, because I’m processing these negative emotions much quicker than the positive ones.

‘Not only am I feeling hurt, scared and sad when you’re yelling at me, this verbal and emotional abuse can cause depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and aggression when I grow up.

‘Our relationship will become unstable and volatile, where we’re unable to communicate in a healthy way.

‘I’ll start to pull away from you and become more influenced by my peers.’

The powerful video has been viewed thousands of times, with plenty of agreement from parents.

One mother admitted:

“Exactly that’s why I made a vow to myself to treat my children with the love and respect they deserve and break that dangerous cycle.”

Another one said:

“When I decided to stop yelling, things changed at home. Yelling is a decision, not a need.”

Another added:

‘Exactly that’s why I made a vow to myself to treat my children with the love and respect they deserve and break that dangerous cycle.’

For many parents, they admitted that they really wanted to break the cycle of shouting, but felt unsure of how to discipline their kids instead.

Csilla then responded to say she’s made a series of videos about shouting.

She advises parents:

‘When you are at that point when you can feel your blood boiling, I want you to stop in that moment and take a really long deep breath and I want you to think about these five things and whether they are the reason that you are yelling in that moment.

‘One – is it that you have not been taught how to regulate your own emotions?

‘Two – is this because it was how you were raised and you have no idea of any other strategies that you can use to get your children to listen?

‘Three – is this a pattern that is happening in your parenting and you have no idea how to stop it?

‘Four – are you just completely exhausted and at your wit’s end and are you not looking after yourself properly?

‘Five – are you abusing your power as an adult to get them to do what you want them to do?

‘What are your triggers? Shining a light on all of that is the first step in knowing how to solve this problem.’