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Family dynamics

15th Oct 2022

My wife never wanted to have children but now she has changed her mind


“My wife changed her mind after her first ultrasound”

Deciding to have a child is a massive decision. It’s something many people dream of, but others may not want to become parents and that is perfectly fine too.

Expanding your family isn’t something you do on a whim.

One dad-to-be has opened up about feeling unhappy after his wife got pregnant unexpectedly. He explained that they didn’t want to have children and agreed not to, but when she discovered she was expecting she said she wanted to keep the baby.

He told Reddit, “My wife is 7 months pregnant. It came as a complete surprise, as my wife had been taking birth control regularly. We had originally planned to not have any kids, but my wife changed her mind after her first ultrasound.”

The husband said he “respected her decision, even if I wasnt the happiest about it”.

“I told her that regardless, I wasnt gonna force her to make a decision. We had a gender party late because of issues with the pandemic but we finally got around to it.”

The dad-to-be explained that he already wasn’t happy about the pregnancy so the gender reveal party made things harder for him.

“I already was not happy, given the circumstances that I did not want to have any children. I still participated to show support to my wife though. Once the gender reveal happened everyone including my wife was ecstatic.

“She went to go hug me and I hugged her back, just not with the same energy. She looked at me with a concerned face but went off to hug some of her friends and family. Once it was over and we got everything put up she blew up at me,” he explained.

The wife claimed he embarrassed her in front of their guests. She said he could’ve pretended he cared about the baby.

“I told her I didn’t really see a point in throwing a party just because of the gender but she wanted to do it so I agreed. She said that she understood that I didn’t really want to have a baby but that since they were almost here that I should probably lose the attitude already.”

“I responded saying that since she knew I didn’t want the baby, she shouldn’t be surprised I wasn’t enjoying the baby shower. She supposedly thought that the baby shower would change my mind, but was upset it hadn’t,” he revealed.

The husband stood his ground and stressed that he wasn’t going to say sorry for not showing emotions for something that has made him feel so unhappy.

He said he needed time to adjust to the fact that they were about to become parents.

A lot of dads encouraged him to go to therapy because he’s experiencing such a major life change.

Others stressed that this could damage their relationship and encouraged them to be fully honest with his wife.

“It is detrimental for both to be completely open and honest every step of the way. The more he just goes along with his wife the potential for resentment and anger will grow. And this innocent child, who did not ask to be born, will be caught in the middle.”

Others said he seriously needs to think about his role in the baby’s life.

“He needs to decide whether or not he can actually be in this child’s life fully, which includes emotionally, or not. If he can’t, he can’t. But then he needs to pack up and leave before kiddo gets here, because kiddo deserves better than this.”

What do you think the husband should do?