Pregnant? Noticing that other people SUCK? Yeah, I feel you. Well, no, I'm not going to feel you – if you're pregnant, you're probably sick of people feeling you.
Full disclosure: This article is brought to you via the aggressive hormone-haze of a seven-month pregnant woman and is likely a bit of an overreaction.
That being said has anyone ever noticed that once you're heavily pregnant, friends, family and total randomers no longer see the need for traditional salutations. There are no more "Hi, how are you"s coming your way. Instead, people start greeting you with updates on your size, comments on your eating habits and casual pelvic examinations. It's becoming seriously annoying.
10 Greetings For Pregnant Women That The World Seems To Think Are Totally Acceptable
1. "Oh my god, you're HUGE."
Get this at least once a week.
2. "Not long to go now."
Well 16 weeks actually, person who doesn't deserve to live.
3. "Taking that eating for two thing to heart, aye?"
Sometimes there might be a winky nudge accompanying this obnoxious greeting just to up the rage levels.
4. "Are you sure it's not twins?"
Is this supposed to be a joke? It's a first world country, I have access to reasonably good medical care, I know how many goddamn babies are in there.
5. "You're carrying very low."
Seriously. No 'hi, how's life?' just straight to the pelvic exam.
6. "Look at you!"
I'm always waiting for some kind of nice follow up to this one, like "You look great!" but most of the time they just leave it hanging out there: "Look at you!" as though I'm some anomalous creature to be marveled at. Which I guess I am, I do kind of look like a sperm whale that's squeezed itself into a stretchy jersey dress and leggings and just mastered walking on dry land.
7. "The size of you."
The. Size. Of. You. Nothing more just "The size of you." I want it to be socially acceptable to sit on the next person who says this.
8. The person who says nothing just immediately touches the bump by way of greeting
WTF?
9. The horror story teller
This greeting usually begins with a gleeful "Oh my God; YOU'RE PREGNANT!" They might continue with: "You won't BELIEVE what happened to a friend of my cousin..." at this point, you should be experiencing alarm bells, commence moving away from this person rapidly before it is impossible to UNhear whatever horrific birth story is about to follow.
10. "Wow."
"Wow, just wow." I got this one earlier this week from a peripheral acquaintance of mine. I responded extremely rudely because I have lost the will to pretend that this is not completely wrecking my day at this point.
Rant over.
