Right, congratulations Dada, you clicked into this list and are (presumably) ready to start making your pregnant woman feel better.
Well done, this is a good decision.
The first thing you need to understand is that however tired you may THINK you are, is NOTHING compared to what she's experiencing.
Maybe you think you had a hard day at work, or your knee might still be a bit twingey from last week's football, but these petty ailments don't even warrant mentioning to the giant HERO, who is carrying your child. (Seriously don't bitch about any of your stuff to her right now, she will probably not take it well.)
She is likely suffering from debilitating wind, heartburn, hormones and a multitude of aches and pains along with all the other shit human gestation can throw at you, she doesn't need you and your twingey knee pretending to know what she's going through.
So what can you do for her? Pretty much any (or preferably ALL) of the things on this list will work.
10 Things To do Right NOW For Your Pregnant Baby Mama:
1. Tell her that her arms look amazing
Can't go wrong with this one.
2. Make her tea.
NOW. Do it.
3. Take out the bins and the wash the bin out
No need for a running commentary on how great you are either while you're doing this.
4. Give her a full body massage
Absolutely no running commentary on how ginormous and ridiculous her body looks right now either.
5. Bring her a treat without her having to ask
Chocolate, a nice candle, flowers. When it comes to unprompted treats, it doesn't really matter what it is. If The Man gifted me a used handwipe I'd probably be happy as long as it was a surprise.
6. Say something like: "I'll put *insert child's name here* to bed; you go put your feet up."
This is basically ALL she wants to hear right now (along with the arms thing obvi).
7. Suggest she takes a few hours to herself to catch up with friends
And then (this part is CRUCIAL), clean the house while she's out.
8. Take her out on a nice date
Arrange the whole thing, don't just suggest it and then wait for her to organise the babysitter and pick a movie etc. Treat her to a surprise evening even if it's just dinner and a movie at home.
9. Have sex with her...
... IF (and you better confirm this prior to commencing foreplay) she is experiencing that 2nd/3rd trimester randiness. If she is NOT experiencing 2nd/3rd trimester randiness back away and rub her feet instead.
10. Write her a love letter
Even if you're terrible at words just write a list of the ten things you love best about her, stick it in an envelope and post it to her.
Do it; she's carrying your spawn for god's sake, DO IT NOW....
Hey Preggo, got someone in your life who needs to read this list? Tag 'em in the comments and let the pampering begin...
