I have yet to give birth in an Irish hospital, but have been told by my fellow mamas over here that my experiences of giving birth in a public Norwegian hospital (there is no private option when it comes to giving birth there) were fairly great.
As in, when I was done with the actual giving birth bit (which I am sure is fairly similar no matter where you are – nature is nature after all), I was moved into the maternity floor in the adjacent hospital hotel (yes, hotel!) where my husband got to stay with me in our very own hotel room – complete with cot for the baby and changing facilities, as well as a very comfy double bed – for the two nights we stayed there.
With a staff room full of nurses and midwives down the hall, ready if you needed them.
Fairly blissful as far as hospital experiences go, in other words.
But, if you think this sounds like birthing bliss, wait till you hear what awaits mamas giving birth at London’s famous Portland Hospital.
The hospital, which is the subject of a new BBC show Five Star Babies: Inside The Portland Hospital, is possibly the only maternity hospital in the world that makes birth look like a luxury spa break. Which might explain why celebrities like Victoria Beckham, Kate Winslet and Jools Oliver all chose to give birth here. And why we would too – in a heartbeat. You know, if money was of absolute no issue. (We’ll get back to the price later, as to not take your hopes away just yet!).
According to Janene Madden, CEO of the hospital, the Portland’s motto is “comfort”, and mums are treated to luxuries including a range of holistic complementary therapies such as post-natal yoga and Pilates, and anti-natal acupuncture, reflexology, Bowen therapy and therapeutic lymphatic drainage. (Cankles? What cankles?!)
From the essential (extra scans and blood tests and appointments with private consultants) to the indulgent, including photographic sessions, and hand and baby foot casting in bronze, silver and gold – as well as a personal shopper on hand – the hospital truly lives up to its promise to make mums the centre of attention.
Oh, and what’s more, staff will whisk baby away at night to the nursery so mum can get some shut-eye between feeds. Hello heaven.
And let’s not forget the food.
New mums can indulge in delicacies such as oysters, lobster, Foie Gras and Bollinger champagne on their post-natal menu, all created by a chef poached from swanky The Dorchester. (Gluten-free, vegetarian and vegan options are, obvs, available.)
“We have princesses from the middle east who deliver here quite regularly,” says Madden. “We have celebrities and individuals of very high net worth and they used to getting what they want. And if they want 10 additional rooms or 20 additional rooms we will provide it. As long as that woman or husband can pay for what they are requesting we will do our best to provide that.”
Which brings us to the cost. Because, as you probably have guessed, giving birth the Portland way doesn’t come cheap.
Their most basic package starts at $15,000, but as Madden tells the BBC, “I have seen somebody spend £500,000.”
So, you know, if you want to spend a mortgage amount of money giving birth, you know where to go.
