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1st trimester

22nd Jun 2022

Question: How do you move on from gender disappointment?

Melissa Carton

Was this something that you ever experienced?

When we find out that we are pregnant, we can’t help but start planning everything from the nursery to baby names.

Of course the main thing is that our baby arrives safe and sound, but sometimes gender preference comes into play too.

Some parents dream of having a boy first, for others a girl, but we can’t decide that.

It’s a 50/50 and sometimes that can lead to ‘gender disappointment’.

One mum experiencing gender disappointment recently asked for advice on how to move on from it and the responses were a bit of a mixed bag.

The mum wrote to parenting forum Mum’s Grapevine asking “How do you move on from gender disappointment?”

Some of the responses were very supportive, with many other parents admitting that they went through it too;

“Having gender disappointment doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful!

You can be 100% grateful and feel blessed to be able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, but still want one gender over the other.

Being disappointed over a gender doesn’t mean you don’t want the child, just means you have to get use to the idea of having the opposite gender you always imagined having.

To answer the question, go shopping, once you start buying those cute little clothes and accessories, it can make you feel excited again.”

Other responses were not so kind, basically calling the mum in question ungrateful;

“You be grateful that you can even conceive a child. There are people out there who have tried for years and years and have never been able to successfully conceive a child.”

That being said those judging the mother were quickly shut down in the comments, with many explaining that gender disappointment doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or love her baby.

“Don’t listen to the people telling you to be grateful! Whoever is reading this, you are allowed to have gender disappointment. It doesn’t mean you will love your child any less at all. By the time bub comes, you would have dealt with your feelings and be excited for bub.”