I’m breaking up with you. We’re done. We can’t go on together. I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s me. No, it actually is. You see, if we keep hanging out together, you’re going to… well… I don’t know how to put this so I’ll just come out and say it: If we remain friends, you’re going […]

9 years ago

Being in the delivery room for the birth of each of my children was massively important to me. I’m not really sure how much it meant to my wife, the stunning, amazing, beautiful mother of my fabulous children. She had other things on her mind; you know, like getting children to pass through hips that […]

9 years ago

Dear children, I, the undersigned parent, being of absolutely unsound and exhausted mind and body, do solemnly promise that: 1. I will wee at night and not flush the toilet or wash my hands for fear of stirring one of you inhuman awake machines. 2. I will sleep in the spare room on a bed […]

9 years ago

How does she cope with four kids? The answer: brilliantly. Tracy is amazing. Day in and day out, I go to work. I have meetings after work. I go to gigs. Football games. The cinema. Dinner. Drinks. I’m a busy guy. Meanwhile, Tracy is at home with four kids. Sure, for a few hours a day, they […]

9 years ago

I’m giving Tracy the day off. I’m taking the kids over to a friend’s house. He’s doing something similar with his good lady. To kill some time, we thought it would be a good idea to go to a shopping centre first. Excuse me, a retail park. No, a lifestyle plaza. Whatever it’s called, it’s […]

10 years ago

A few weeks back, I sent an email to a bunch of my friends who are parents and asked them to email me their confessions about stuff they’ve done. I promised anonymity. I will deliver anonymity to everyone involved; everyone involved, that is, except me. So, here goes: When Andrew, now five, was really small, […]

10 years ago