My mum is five years Cancer Free this week.
I still remember the phone call when she told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.
I was driving home from work and I popped her on hands-free for our usual daily chat about how our day went.
This day was very different.
‘They found a small lump’, she said, ‘and it’s cancer’.
And I had to pull into a garage and finish the rest of the conversation.
My amazing mum would go on to endure a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation treatment, lose her hair, have to take a year off work, take steroids and all sorts of other cancer-busting medication.
I can say, hand on heart, that I don’t think she ever once – not once – complained.
I asked a great friend, Deborah, whose mum had already been battling with cancer (and so sadly passed away last year) for advice.
‘Do all the practical stuff’, she said, ‘clean the house, drive her to appointments – take over so that all she has to think about is fighting it’.
It proved to be great advice and based on our experiences, here are 10 things you can do to help that someone you know and love if they have been diagnosed with cancer too:
1. Don’t Panic
We found that people would either avoid us completely or panic and list all the people they ever knew who had died from cancer. If you’re not sure what to say, just try, ‘Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, how are you feeling, is there anything I can do to help?’ That will cover it all.
2. Stay Strong
Even though at many times I wanted to, I never cried in front of mum when she was having treatment or even – and this was when I most wanted to – when she was having all her beautiful hair cut off. It’s so hard but try to put a brave face on and be that strong support that your loved one needs.
3. Get Stuck In
Both because I felt a bit helpless AND because I knew my mum was starting chemo, I scrubbed every single corner of her house. Chemo can really wear a person’s immune system down so it helps to recover in a clean environment. Also, there’s nothing nicer than getting into a freshly made bed when you’re feeling like crap.
4. Make A Plan
My three brothers, dad and I, all wanted to feel useful to mum during the course of her treatment so we figured out a schedule which meant that we took turns bringing her to the hospital when she needed to attend. She knew it was taken care of and we all felt like we were being helpful.
5. Guard The Door
People mean so well but sometimes visitors can be very tiring for someone who is having chemotherapy. Make sure someone is in charge of gently letting them know that now isn’t a good time, or that a short few minutes’ visit would be just nice for today.
6. Plan Lovely Things
It is SO important to have nice things to look forward to when you are having cancer treatment. My mum used to set dates in the calendar, little things like ‘Lunch At My Favourite Cafe’ or ‘Grandchild’s Due Date’ which she said really kept her going. Book a manicure or a date to the seaside – anything that can be cancelled easily if it doesn’t suit last minute – but nice enough that it gives the person something to aim towards.
7. Go Softly
Be gentle in your handling of someone who has had a cancer diagnosis – don’t bombard them with too much noise, information or clutter. Give them space to deal with how they are feeling themselves and quietly let them know you are there to be leaned on.
8. Keep In Touch
Although you might not always get a reply, drop the odd line to say ‘I am thinking of you’. That could be a text, a card, a nice book in the post, some food by the front door. Every bit of contact helps on even the darkest of days.
9. Remember Those Around The Patient
The people around that person who has had a cancer diagnosis can be very vulnerable, upset and a bit lost at times. Don’t forget to ask them how they’re doing too.
10. Have Hope
There are amazing advances being made in the area of cancer treatments all the time. While a cure has yet to be discovered, I am still hopeful that it may exist some day. Until then, be assured that there are great results from treatment of cancers that are detected early and hopefully, that will apply to your loved one.
Do you have anything further to add to this list? Let us know in the comments on Facebook.
