5 tips to get your sex life going again after babies take over
Do you remember all the sex you used to have?
The 'sure we're doing nothing else on Saturday' sex, or the 'look where we ended up on our bike ride' sex OR the 'it doesn't matter if we don't make that party, does it?' sex.
That was the sex you had before you became a parent and for some couples, before the actual pregnancy itself.
Perhaps you were too pregnancy-sick to even think about it.
Perhaps he was 'afraid' that he might 'poke the baby' (bless).
Perhaps you both went off it for a bit because there was a far more important task at hand: that of getting ready for the baby to arrive.
And when the baby does arrive, you wonder if things will get back on track, or if Sexy Time isn't getting back on track quickly enough.
You worry that you're not healing as quickly as you might have hoped, and start to say things like this to your mates;
"Poor Mick/John/Billy - we haven't had sex in seven months now. He's probably gone off me and we'll never have sex ever again!"
To which your mates will, and should, reply; 'Of course you'll have sex again when you're ready.. and Mick/John/Billy WILL LIVE"
Remind yourself of that: 'He'll live'.
And so will you.
What you both won't survive is not talking to each other about it, or making matters worse by completely dodging the subject until such time as you start to find your local ice cream van driver desirable.
So make sure to do the following:
1. Have the 'love' talk
Sometimes if we have a dry spell with our partners, it makes us paranoid about their devotion or love for us. So make sure to reassure each other that even though sex might be low on the agenda at present, that you still really love each other.
2. Get your smooch on
So you might not feel like full-on intercourse, but why not get busy having a big snog and cuddle and *coughs* you know, a few other things that would still make each other, erm.. 'happy'? You know what I'm talking about!
3. Look to the future
Make a plan for an overnight or even just a date night, some time into the future when you think you might both be back in the mood. Lean on your babysitting resources to make this happen and treat it as a priority. At least you will both have something exciting to look forward to.
4. Hold hands
Sometimes the smallest amount of physical contact is enough to remind us that we are loved and wanted. So go for a walk and hold hands, have loads of regular hugs and don't forget to kiss each other hello and goodbye. It's easy to forget about these things when you are so busy parenting but it's still so important for your relationship.
5. Keep the faith
Having kids can take it out of you. That is, the wind in your sails. It's exhausting, fraught with emotion, hormonal changes and often the odd meltdown. But I promise you, it gets easier. If you stick close together, keep talking to each other and work the little problems out as much as you can, you will both look at each other one random Tuesday evening around 8pm when the kids are in bed and ask, "Shall we?!"
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