In conversation with Emma Harris.
Dear mums suffering from postnatal,
If you’re having a bad day and you don’t see it getting any better, please always remember and try to believe that IT is NOT your fault.
I know where you are because I’ve been there. I know when you think you’ve reached rock bottom; you discover that rock bottom has a basement. A basement with a locked door.
I’ve been in that basement. I know it’s dark, it’s lonely, and it’s claustrophobic in there. Frustrating. So very isolating. You can’t help thinking: what if nobody knows I’m here? What if nobody ever realises I am down here? How am I suppose to mind my baby when I’m stuck here? What if I’m stuck here forever? I’m calling out but nobody can hear me? You call again, louder, the loudest you think you can scream and all you can hear is silence.
Down here, you have too much time to think. Your mind is in overdrive. Overthinking. Always overthinking.
You’re panicked, stressed, frustrated, angry. You desperately want and need to get out. You’re suffocating down here.You’re kicking this door in… helplessness, rage, and frustration fills your very core. You think: why can nobody hear me? How could I be so stupid to get myself locked in here?
Blame sets in. you’ve done all the other emotions, so now you focus on blame. You think: what sort of stupid bitch allows this happen with a baby to look after? What sort of irresponsible person? What sort of “MOTHER” would allow this to happen? I’m such a nuisance to everyone. Everyone would probably be better off if I just stayed down here. IDIOT.
Moms, I’m here to tell you, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. Nothing you have done or not done has resulted in this.
Depression is an opportunist. It lurks, awaiting vulnerability. The perfect opportunity for it to pounce is when a woman is at her most vulnerable. Open to all the emotions that come with becoming a mother.It attacks when it sees the chance, creeping up from behind and consuming the mind. It is a life-threatening disease. It can catch anyone. Nobody is immune. It can be beaten; it can be terminal.
Sufferers are consumed trying to fight it. They struggle to break free and overcome its powers, desperately wanting to. But, it is a bully. A taunter. A creep. A stalker.
Nobody welcomes depression. Nobody seeks it. It is an unwelcome intruder. It arrives with all its power and lingers. It only has the power to ware you down, to overpower.
But…
YOU have the power within you to get stronger. Every day you can get a tiny bit stronger, growing and learning how to outsmart this unwanted intruder. You will start to figure out its movements, its manipulation tactics, its triggers. YOU have the power. You have to demand it.
Then, one day you will realise that you got this. You are the one in control. You really do have the power. You will start to feel better that day and a little bit more the next, and a little bit more the next, until gradually you feel better every other day after that.
It’s not your fault. It will get better.
