Growing up in Ireland meant that all our references for the American dream were off d’telly.
This meant that we spent a lot of time being fierce jealous of those lucky teens who got to drive convertibles to school, wear cheerleading uniforms and hang out at pep rallies. Better than the bus, a maroon wooly jumper and the local GAA disco any day of the week.
Here are ten times we were mad jealous of American teenage life…
1. Cheerleading
Give me a U, give me an S, give me an A! Oh how we longed to wear a cheerleading rig-out. Meanwhile, in Ireland, we were busy rolling up our skirts in the hopes of catching a few eyes on the walk past the CBS.
2. No uniforms
Bottle green and nun-grey somehow failed to convey our true inner selves to the world. How could we compete with the high-fashion glamour that was the American high school catwalk? The letterman jacket alone would have made our lives.
3. Full length lockers
Anyone who spent their school day trying to desperately cram all their stuff into a tiny locker or, even worse, avoid falling debris and T-squares from the locker above, could only dream of owning a full length locker. So luxurious in size that they could fit a whole cheerleader.
4. Driving to school
While we waited (and waited) for the bus in the rain and snow, they got to park their flashy convertibles in the gleaming sunshine. No Irish person would ever have mastered that ‘leaping over the door into the back seat’ manoeuvre anyway. Sigh.
5. Malls
American teens ‘cut school’ to go to the mall while about ten of us shared one coke and a plate of chips down the Supermacs. We scraped together a few quid for a trip to Penneys, they wandered around laden down with fancy shopping bags. Tiffany’s music video was even set in one for gawd’s sake.
6. The big game and pep rallies
There was always a ‘big game’ – the culmination of the High School team, the jocks, the cheerleaders, the overriding spirit of the school and the pep rally. We remain confused, but totally on board with the pepping and the rallying.
7. Prom and homecoming
A) We tried our very best to make the debs into prom but it just didn’t work – we blame Irish lads for not caring as much as American boys. B) We still don’t have a feckin’ notion what a homecoming dance is but we feel pretty hard done by not to have had one.
8. High School graduation
Does anyone else still bitterly disappointed that we just finished the Leaving, signed each other’s shirts, got pissed on Buckfast in a field and went home? We never got a cap and gown or made an emotional speech as valedictorian. Curse you American teens, curse you.
9. Fraternities and sororities
Apha beta gamma whata? Again, not a clue what’s actually happening here but consider us in. Those pesky frat boys better stay away from our Sister House or whatever it’s called. Beats 13 unwashed students sharing a house in Rathmines any day.
10. Spring break
You read that in a party shout didn’t you? Irish people have a lot of questions about this one. Where were their parents? How much did these elaborate holidays cost? And why are they only allowed to drink out of red cups?
